Untitled.

I wrote this poem in 2015 about Tasha, my best friend who passed unexpectedly.

01/2015

Life is a mystery
And oftentimes brings such misery
But you were a beacon of hope
A refreshing cup of coffee
A twinkle of light in the dark.

Although you were scarred
Broken & bruised,
You were kind
You were compassionate
You were a joy to be around.

You listened with an open heart
Shared wisdom with no constraints
Gave over and abundantly
Loved completely unconditionally.

You were my best friend
You were a sister in Christ
You were an amazing mother
You were a rare gem.

No matter how time passes

You are forever remembered

Always in my heart

Until we meet again

                                                                                                  Sister friend.

Three Years Today

As life goes on
Your memory is not forgotten
It's a mystery why things happen
Still so confused and baffled
This world takes away
Breaks away pieces of our hearts
Leaving a mess of a person
To pick up the brokenness
And keep on going
So many joys along the way
So much life to be lived
So much potential,
Taken.

God's mysteries are hard to grasp
Oftentimes leaving so much heart break in our paths
But the beautiful thing is this,
He never leaves us forsaken
He never expects us to do it alone
He never promised us no pain
But he offers us his grace
He hands us his love
He gives us his hope
And he shares with us peace,
Peace that we can't explain
And laughter through the tears
Healing day by day
He remains.

10 Things I Hate About Small Town (Country) Livin'

1, I hate that there are not many options for kids when it's scorching hot outside or inside (unrelated).

There is an awesome park but when its 100 degrees outside, that's just not going to happen. Downtown is a fun tourist attraction but the sun is beating down on you. Again, not going to happen.

2. I hate that the lanes are 1 lane and that people drive extremely slow and typically don't pull off to let you pass them.

The highway is 55 but people drive 40....all the time. And you are stuck that way all the way in and out of town basically, unless they pull off (It's 25 downtown once in town).

3. I hate that you have to drive long distances to get to things that you need outside of the basic necessities.

There aren't any stores to go to outside of the one grocery store (which I love)! There is a Dollar General. But you have to really watch out for expired things at most places.

4. I hate that it takes 6 weeks to get into a doctors appointment just for a routine check up.

And you have to drive anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour just to get to the appointment. Enough said.

5. I hate that I have to be paranoid about spiders and other possible creatures.

Brown Recluse, Black Widow, even Tarantulas..Eek. No thank you.

6. I hate that there are not more drive thru options.

McDonald's and Subway just aren't cutting it. Especially when you have sleeping babies in the car and really want a snow cone or groceries. I hope Quik Trip goes with drive thru's. Moms will totally be taking advantage of that. Except that there isn't one nearby for me.

7. Heck, I can't think of anymore. I'm sure I could come up with them but all that to say, I don't hate small town country living! Sometimes there are inconveniences but there is also a slow pace to life and seems to be more quality time with family outdoors.

We must be content with where we are when we are there. God has placed us in this moment, for these moments and we should make the best of them. And even if they are hard, challenging, maybe even not what we wanted or it didn't turn out as planned, we must choose to see the beauty in it all.

My beautiful baby boys. Their love, laughter. They are precious gifts.
My faithful husband. His love, devotion, I am so blessed.
My family and friends who have loved us and supported us.
A home to live in, a car to drive, God's provisions.
The sun & the moon and the beauty of the trees, clouds, birds singing.
It's all right in front of us. We choose to see it or not.
I choose to be content with where I am, trusting in the knowledge I have that He always takes care of me and my family and He isn't going to stop now.

So choose love. Not hate. Choose happiness and joy. Choose to be content where you are.

Choose to be the difference you see in this world.

Shipwrecked

I wrote this awhile back and have wanted to share it for some time but for whatever reason, I have struggled with sharing my poetry freely like I once would have! But I am not afraid anymore. This is a safe place and I hope someone can relate to it and that it can maybe help someone. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

1/2015
It's like we're shipwrecked, 

Stranded

On an island

Over and over again

Capsizing

Never ending repetition

Never learning

Never changing

Over and over again

Weaving through the debris

Hoping for a change at sea

Desperately grasping for air

Drowning in this misery

Fading into oblivion

It's like we're shipwrecked,

Stranded

On an island

Over and over again

Capsizing

Never ending repetition

Never learning

Never changing

Over and over again

I see the sun is rising

Hoping for another day

A new escape

A bit of change

It's a mystery

But He knows

He sees

He helps

And He redeems

He's the hope

Within the waves

The light within the screams

He knows

He sees

He redeems

He's the hope 

Don't you see?

-Rita

Normalcy

Tomorrow my second son will be 1 month old.

I am desperately trying to find a "normal" for our lives. My first son will be 3 years old in December and he is definitely struggling with this less attention thing. He loves his little brother but he acts out when I have to give him attention.

I am still trying to get sleep, which isn't happening very successfully.
I do somewhat feel as though I am a failure as a mother.

I need to do better.
I want to do better.
But I feel as though I don't.

Now maybe that is just a feeling, maybe not.
Either way, I don't want to be stuck.
And I definitely don't want to be so lazy that I miss out on being the best I can be.

I feel this pressure from different angles.
 "Oh, he should be potty-trained by now."
"He should be able to do this, or say that, or recognize that.."
"He shouldn't be acting that way.."

Blah blah blah.
I respectfully disagree.
All children learn at different times and in different ways. No two children are alike.
And I am not going to feel like a bad parent just because someone else thinks it should be a certain way.

I know I can do better and I am trying to do just that but that is all I can do.
And that should be enough. Right?

I have beautiful children. I love them very much.
They are uniquely and fearfully made.
Being a mom is not always easy.
But it is the best gift from God I could ask for.

There is a balance I am trying to find in it all and although I have not found it just yet, it's okay.
It is not the end of the world.
So I apologize if I stay in my pajamas some days.
I apologize if the dishes do not always get done right away.
I am sorry if my house is not spotless.
And I am sorry if my son does not always listen (He is only 2 after all).

I am busy trying to love & play with my children.
Is that okay?
I hope so.

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him." -Psalm 127:3 NLT
"Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22:6 NLT

Oh Life!

I was reading a friends blog post about her life struggles and how she chooses life and to live for Christ and I was so encouraged by her words. Part of what I have written below was what I shared with her in my comment.

"Yesterday was the 29th birthday of my longest & dearest friend. She would have been 29 yesterday but she died a year ago tomorrow. She was a fighter until the end. Life just was not kind to her but God was rich in her life. She loved Him regardless. She was the most kind, caring & compassionate person, regardless of all the trials she faced. She loved fiercely and never gave up. Sin is alive & well in the world but thank God the enemy has been defeated.

Keep fighting the fight. Keep living for God through the trials and the triumphs.

She left behind a now 2 year & 4 month old son and that was definitely her greatest triumph. There were many years when we thought she never would conceive because of all she had been through and whether her body could handle it but God gave her the most beautiful son and although she is not here with him, God is with him and she lives on in her son. And in the love she bestowed upon her family & friends (ME)! She is now free from pain, praising God in heaven. She lived her life, fighting until the end and I am so encouraged that you choose to do the same, regardless of the trials you face, all those triumphs you have along the way are well worth it. And God shines on through you, through your daily decision to choose life and life abundantly.

My prayers are with you & I totally believe in God's perfect & beautiful plan for your life, whatever that may be, wherever He leads you & in every season He brings you through."


And I believe this for YOU, whoever may be reading this. God has a perfect plan for you. It will be full of trials & triumphs but do not give up. He is with you every step of the way. And although we may be undeserving, God loves us, believes in us, and never abandons us, even in the darkest of moments. He can be your strength and strong tower, your peace that surpasses all understanding if you just let Him. He loves you desperately and you are His child, His beloved and He has a plan for your life if you would just choose to walk in that life, no matter what it throws your way. I believe in you. Believe in yourself. Believe in the truths of the Father.

Beauty

12/31/14

A beauty within

She desperately seeks.

A beauty within

Plagues her thoughts

She desires to be

All she can be

And yet she falls short

More often than not.

An unfading beauty

What does that mean?

An unfading beauty

So gentle and serene

A spirit of quietness

A holy disposition.

An unfading beauty

She hardly sees.

Precious to God

Who, you ask?

Precious to God

You, I might add.

A woman is beautiful;

She carries this beauty,

Unfading beauty

For all to see.

She is gentle.

She is quiet

She is precious to God.