Beauty

12/31/14

A beauty within

She desperately seeks.

A beauty within

Plagues her thoughts

She desires to be

All she can be

And yet she falls short

More often than not.

An unfading beauty

What does that mean?

An unfading beauty

So gentle and serene

A spirit of quietness

A holy disposition.

An unfading beauty

She hardly sees.

Precious to God

Who, you ask?

Precious to God

You, I might add.

A woman is beautiful;

She carries this beauty,

Unfading beauty

For all to see.

She is gentle.

She is quiet

She is precious to God.

Sentimentality

As my son is approaching 2 years this weekend, I am saddened that my best friend is not here to share it with us. Yes, I have other best friends but one friend does not, nor can it replace the other. My best friend died almost a year ago shortly after her birthday. Very unexpectedly.
It broke my heart to see her leave behind a young son and also to not be able to say goodbye.
It still breaks my heart today that her son is growing up without her and that he may not be in the most stable of environments. I being the godmother feel a sense of duty and as a best friend, to protect him but I am unable to do so since he lives so far away.
But God knows. And I cannot believe that He would let her pass without fully knowing that her son would be left without a mother. He is with him, protecting him, I know this. But it still does not make it easy.

I just wish I could pick up the phone and call her and talk with her about all the details and then share pictures with her. Although we lived miles and miles apart, we were kindred spirits. She struggled though greatly and I know she is at peace now with Christ. But it still brings me to tears that she is not here and I still get all sentimental thinking about plans we had for our futures, for our sons to meet, to go to Disney, and to forever be in each others lives.

I still have hopes that our sons will one day meet. God knows the plans He has for us. And even if it is not this side of heaven, I trust in Him and in His goodness.

Losing a baby

To the woman who lost her baby in the womb.
I know how you feel. I know your pain. I know your sadness.
I know how it feels to not understand, to ask why?
 I know how it is to wonder what he/she would have looked like.
When would they have been born? How much would they weigh?
Would they favor me or their father?
Why did something go wrong?
Was it my fault? Could I have done anything differently?
I have battled those questions as well. And I have gotten no good answers.
So I know your struggle.
It's an internal battle, one in which many know of and many do not understand.
So many people say all the wrong things and some know exactly what to say.

I am not saying I have all the answers or know exactly what to say.
But I do know. I do understand. And I do still seek answers & wonder.

I know the One who has the answers, although we may not get them right now.
I know that He brings peace that surpasses all understanding.
I know that He will be like a Father, letting us cry on His shoulder.
I know that He understands loss and pain. He knows sadness.
And He is with our precious little ones in heaven.

I hope you believe in Him so that you can hold onto that peace.
That knowledge that your baby is safely in His arms, full of happiness & joy.
It would be hard to lose a baby and not believe in Him. I cannot fathom that.
So my prayer is that you will come to know Him personally. To find that healing.
To know of that love, joy & peace.
Because even in my sadness & grief, I have the hope of Christ.
He gives me His peace that surpasses all understanding & I know my baby is in His arms.
One day I will meet him/her and embrace them as I so long to do now but cannot.
For whatever reason that may be.

Injustice

There are many travesties in this world. So many injustices. An abandoned child. A murdered loved one. An abused person/child. An assaulted young lady. Sex trafficking. A person fired because they were disliked for a personal reason. Racism. Homeless children. People who are starving. An innocent person behind bars. A woman sexualized.

The definition of injustice: “unfair treatment: a situation in which the rights of a person or a group of people are ignored”

So many injustices. We cannot even begin to name them all. And we all jump on different bandwagons and advocate or protest or try and protect those people who are having those injustices done to them. And it is so important because it shows that there are people out there who care, love, and want that unity and peace that I think everyone really wants in the grand scheme of things.

Why then do the people who step in to protect choose to respond in anger, hatred, etc.? We should be responding in love.

We have all been hurt in our lives, some more than others. And we will never understand what other people have gone through or endured in their lifetime. What one person has gone through most likely has nothing to do with what you have gone through. Why then do we feel like we have been wronged the worst? We have been hurt the most, more than anyone else? Your pains & anguish are awful and so are the other persons!

The kid who was abused may not understand why you are starving or why the other person was looked down upon or physically harmed because of their race.

All injustices are wrong. There is evil in this world.

And it saddens my heart that any person of any race, religion, gender, has been hurt because of the evil in this world that we as humans create out of bitterness and anger and because we have not forgiven the people who have hurt us. Holding onto that in our hearts hurts us more than the person who did the injustice.

I apologize on behalf of those who have wronged you. I am sorry for your pain. I hope & pray that you can forgive that person and find that healing in Jesus Christ. I didn’t say it was easy but all things are possible with Christ.

Jesus is the ultimate example for everyone but especially for those who call themselves believers of Christ. He endured the worst of the worst and He did nothing wrong. He was wronged in every possible way and He was innocent. He was looked down upon because of who He was and He forgave. He loved. He cried out to God and He endured it all for the cross so that we as humans could be saved and forgiven. So that we could be the light in the dark. So that we could spread that love & peace of Christ.

We are to be the example that Jesus was and is to the world. We are His hands and His feet. We are to forgive and to not judge and act out in anger & bitterness. We are to respond in love, no matter what injustice has been done to us. We are to be love, no matter what injustice has been done to us. We are to be Jesus to the brokenhearted, no matter who did the injustice. We are to be the body of Christ.

Sometimes we may not get the answers we seek or want this side of heaven but God promised justice. I don't pretend to understand it all or to have all the answers. I just ask those who believe in Christ to stand up and be that example to the world.

"12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." -Colossians 3:12-15 NLT

Christmas struggles..

I am struggling with Christmas this year.  I have some friends who have recently changed their lifestyle. They have dug deeper into the word and researched and decided they do not believe in celebrating holidays that have started out pagan. And I may have this all wrong because I have not done sufficient research for myself. And they would put it more eloquently on what they believe & why and maybe I am interpreting things differently. I respect them greatly and I am glad they are seeking scriptures and doing research and figuring it out for themselves.
I just have this battle within now. Am I doing something I should not? That goes against God?

I love Christmas. Well, I love Jesus and celebrating His birth (even if its not His exact birthday). I love the joy & giving of Christmas. People are happier and kind and I just have a hard time seeing what is wrong with that?

So maybe I should just do things a little differently? Tweak it in a way that I feel comfortable with. Like no tree because that apparently is one of the more pagan things about it. Maybe I could just have a Happy Birthday Jesus cake and celebrate Jesus with my family and give gifts. Because I don't think that Jesus is opposed to us giving to our loved ones?
I have a hard time seeing what is wrong with celebrating Jesus, the Son of God. These scriptures put it perfectly and should be exactly what Christmas is about. Or take out the word Christmas and it should be exactly what Jesus' birthday is about.

"Mary did you know that your baby boy will some day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

Oh Mary did you know

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is the great I AM."

Isaiah 9:6-7

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

I am not saying my friends are wrong. And I am not saying that I am right. All I am saying is that I am struggling with Christmas and/or what is right about celebrating holidays or doing things that began as pagan, even if that is not how I view it. I want to do what is right by God and not what is right by the world but I need peace about that and right now I do not have it either way.

It is a tradition that we have made in our families, one which would be hard to break but I want to raise my son right, to follow after the heart of Jesus and to live for Him in all things, so I need to figure this out and have the peace of Christ about it. Prayers would be appreciated. Your opinions are welcome as well but in the end I will take it to the thrown of Christ for peace & clarification.

Light in the Darkness

Tragedy really shows a persons character (thankfully we can change our character as we learn & grow and become a better version of ourselves). It can really bring out the absolute worst in a person. It's sad to see it unfold. But it also breaks my heart to see people in such pain, with absolutely no hope or peace. What a sad way to live life, without forgiveness and hope.
In life, there will always be tragedy. How you respond to that tragedy is what really matters. Unfortunately we do not always see justice served this side of heaven. God said He would have justice for all and He is good on His word. So even if we do not see results now; truth and justice win out in the end. Honestly, I do not know the truth in this current situation and honestly no one does unless they physically were present during the altercation. I do know a son died, a grandson, a cousin, uncle maybe? A life was lost and that is sad no matter what! And everyone wants the truth and justice when someone dies. That is completely understood and justified.
Protesting for a cause is fine and good especially since we are all about freedom of speech in this country. But causing physical harm to someone, something, or yourself is not the answer.


Love is what we are lacking. True, genuine, unconditional love is what we need. Love is the evidence, the fruit of all good. Love is the outcome when you give rather than take. Love is the outcome when you are selfless rather than selfish. Love is the outcome when you protect rather than harm. Love is the outcome when you serve rather than slave. We need more love in our lives. More love in this country. Love brings peace. Love brings healing. Love brings forgiveness. True, real love that is unconditional, comes from God. Jesus is love. He was & is the example. We need that love.
And lets not forget that just because one person responds badly, lies, cheats, murders, does NOT by any stretch of the imagination mean that all people who look or talk or walk like that person are the same. Just as we do not want to be judged or put into a box, we should also remember not to do that to others. We should treat others as we want to be treated.
Jesus we ask that You be with our nation in its crisis. We ask that You are evident in the midst of all the pain, anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion and chaos. We ask that people would have enough love for themselves and others to be wise rather than react in anger or speak in anger. We ask that those who chose justice as their jobs would live out what they pledged and be men & women of honor. Sometimes it is hard to take the high road but we ask that You would bring truth & justice, peace that surpasses all understanding and unity. What the enemy intends for evil, please turn it around for good. Bring joy in the midst of the darkness and let Your light shine through and make a difference in the lives affected by all of this tragedy. We thank You Jesus that You are here in the midst of all this even though we are undeserving. We ask for Your grace & mercy and forgiveness through all of our failures & shortcomings. We are not perfect but You are. So please provide a way where there seems to be no way. Help us to learn & grow from these awful situations so that we can be better people for ourselves, for others and for our nation. We thank You now for all that You have done & will continue to do. We thank You that You see the bigger picture even when we do not. We trust in Your unfailing love. Amen.

Superstitions

where do they come from? why do people believe them? they are stories passed down from generation to generation? or is it merely a cultural thing? how do you break those bondages? as a missionary at heart, knowing that respecting your elders is a big thing, how do you know when or if it is okay to speak up or out? i have always struggled with this in all areas of life, not just here in peru. i have always been the peacemaker or voice of reason and i had to learn to be confrontational and to defend myself and/or my beliefs.  i know so many who will speak so freely, without a care in the world of who they could possibly offend. but i am always thinking of how my words can be interpreted and who i might offend and so oftentimes i say nothing. but i know sometimes i should speak and i do more now than ever before but i still struggle with it. so back to these superstitions. we give power to them by speaking them and believing in them because words are powerful but that does not make them right or true. And they only have the power that we give them. how do we take things that have been engraved in us and just stop believing them when someone just comes in and says they are not true without anything to back it up!?! How can I respectfully disagree without offending? I usually just let it be but when it comes to Britan I find myself wanting to defend my parenting. I love my son and would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. But thats the same thing other parents would also say and yet may be doing things that are not right and true. And I am not better than anyone else so its just a sticky situation all around. I guess what I am saying is that if we are believers in Christ, we put His ways and His truths ahead of what we were raised to believe and ahead of what our culture says. We are to believe His Word entirely and seek His Kingdom! I feel as though I will never be in that place personally where I can step into leadership and make a difference, influence lives. But who am I to say that? It is not me who makes a difference or influences but Christ in me so then I guess that means I can step into that role if He would like me to because He is the one who changes lives, not me. I just have to be willing and He will use me. He uses everyday normal people like you and me so that when something does happen, and it will if He's in control, so all the glory goes to Him! Anyway, I guess that means I cannot hold back. I cannot wait for the right moment. The moment is now and He wants it all. I am here Lord, use me.