Being a mother has been one of the greatest joys of my life, a true blessing and honor. I love my son with all my heart and I cannot believe God would trust this precious soul in my hands. Sometimes I am just in awe of it all. I try so hard to not be jaded by the world, to let my past blur who I am today. I was a fool at times and I walked through doors that should never have been opened but thank God that I am a redeemed daughter of Christ and that all those sins I committed have been wiped away. I want the best life for my children. I want them to always know the love of their parents and the love of God. I want them to never doubt who they are in Christ but to stand firm as a believer and walk faithfully with Christ wherever their path should lead them!
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant again! We've been so blessed with our son, why would we not want to try again? My husband would be happy with a whole soccer team of kids, I told him he would be lucky if he had 6! So then he said 4 boys and 2 girls, in that order! So we joke and say this is true. But really we do not know! God is the one who creates a baby and forms him together in the mothers womb. He is the one who orchestrated the steps of a child's life and loves each person unconditionally.
We have no say so in the matter! I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I decided not to to tell anyone! I believe a baby is a baby at conception. So that is not why I decided to wait. When does a baby become a baby on the eyes of those who say a baby is only a fetus until such a point!? So you unbeliever in babies, you were a fetus in the beginning, not a human being!? So your child, the one you now hold in your hands, was just a fetus, not a baby until when in your eyes? A baby is a baby at conception. We are humans when we are created in the womb. So anyway, at 8 weeks my baby miscarried. And although I am devastated, I do not show emotion. I am heartbroken and yet I do not cry. I feel bad, as though I should mourn. I have never had a miscarriage before. The pain and fear you have as you sit and wait for your baby to pass is heart wrenching! To keep a strong face for others affected is what I have always tried to do but it just seems wrong! Our baby deserves more. And although we do not know the sex of our baby, I look forward to the day in heaven where I can meet him or her face to face. I will never understand why it has to happen this way but I do believe that this baby would have had many struggles here on earth and now he/she gets to be in the presence of God for all eternity, away from the pains of this world! I like to think that now we have a personal angel looking out for us and I also like to think that my best friend Tasha is keeping an eye out for him/her since she is unable to be here for her son.
God never promised us an easy life. He never said it would always go our way and that things would be perfect. He never said that we would be without pain, just that He would be with us through it all, no matter what it is. I am sad that my baby will not be in my arms in less than nine months and that I will never know what he/she looks like this side of heaven but I am so thankful to God that I have what so many people do not have and that is hope, hope in Christ.
Oh God, be with our baby and take care of all his/her needs as I know you will because You always take care of us even when we are so undeserving! Thank You for Your grace and please help us through this season in our lives.
Baby Miscarried: 11/19/2014
Baby Due Date: 5/30/2015
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