The First Cut is the Deepest

One of my best friends in the whole world recently passed away. She and I had been best friends for as long as I can remember. She was the longest friend I ever had, aside from my sisters. We oftentimes throughout life have lived in different states/countries, but we have always remained best friends and in contact, always picking up right where we left off, no matter the length of time between each conversation. We were kindred spirits, alike in so many ways. We both had a passion for writing and reading and we expressed ourselves best through journaling/letters. I wrote a poem for her when she died, I will share it at the

end.
She was a rare jewel amongst the rest of us. She was a fighter, fighting to the very end. It was as if she could never catch a break. Something was always trying to bring her down. But she loved God and she tried her best to serve Him. Often she strayed away but she always found her way back to Him, knowing that her identity was in Him and Him alone. Her life was a series of struggles, one obstacle after another. So my main comfort now is that she rests in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. She gets to praise Him and be surrounded by His peace, love, and joy.
My best friend left behind a 16 month old son. I am his godmother. I just want what is best for him. I want God’s best for him. Whoever he should be with, I know God will work it out accordingly. At least she can live on through him.
Losing my best friend has made me realize that life is short and we should be living to our fullest every day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow, even though we think it will be there. It may not. Since it happened so suddenly and I was unable to say goodbye, has also made me want to appreciate and love those I care about deeply. I want to be better, to be the best version of myself for my family, friends, and especially for God.
Life can be so difficult. It can be so hurtful. Today is a rough day. I work in a non-profit company that is kind of like a part of 3 non-profits. But I am in the office with two other girls who are part of one of the other non-profits we are associated with. They act as though they are my friends but then they leave me out of so many things, lunches, gatherings, events that are not associated with work and so it makes me wonder. Maybe we aren’t really friends. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I need to be a better person. Where am I lacking? Where am I at fault? What do I need to do better?
God, help me to be my best for myself and for everyone else. I need to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. I need to rest in His peace and not take things so personally even when it hurts. “May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16
“On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand, All other ground is sinking sand.” I have to remember the daily benefits of God’s treasures, such as His strength and sure foundation.

A Cloud of Witnesses
1/22/2014

An angel amongst us
A fighter through and through
A gentle soul graciously giving
A loyal and forgiving friend,
A truly loving mother.

She battled and she fought
She endured and she conquered
She stumbled but always got up
She was broken and bruised,
Tattered and confused.

But she was also redeemed,
A beautiful princess
A daughter of the King
She never gave up
She always persevered.

She gave & she gave
Until she had no more
Now she rests in eternity
Soaked in peace
Cloaked in love.

Looking down upon us
She leaves behind a legacy
A heir to her name,
A precious son she adores
And entrusts to us with love.

She will never be forgotten
She will always be remembered
She is in our hearts and memories
And lives on in her son.

An angel amongst us,
Until we meet again.