A cry of desperation

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
And yet I feel that is exactly what I do...nothing.
Being back from Peru I have had to face my faults and my shortcomings and it has not be easy. Living for the flesh is not wise. And being selfish takes a toll on a person's soul. God so desires a relationship with His people and all I do is run from that. Not because I do not want a relationship with Him but because of my own insecurities and shames that I feel as though I cannot cry out to Him. All lies from the enemy because in my heart I know that God has forgiven, He has redeemed me, and He has forgotten my past. Even as a new day comes and I make a mistake and ask His forgiveness, the slate is wiped clean.
So I need not worry of my imperfections, and yet they are engraved upon my soul and suffocating me.
I walk a free daughter in Christ and yet I brand myself.
I am my own weakness, my very own critic.
And it rolls over into every aspect of my life.
I long to serve and yet I take.
I long to love and yet I despise.
I long to care and yet I wallow in my pains.
I don't do what I want to do and I do what I don't want to do.
My God, my God please forgive me. I know I am unworthy but by the blood of Jesus I am set free, I am forgiven, I am redeemed.
By His grace, I am made new.
It is I that must make the decisions to walk in that newness, to live that life, to serve with a heart of gladness.
God help me. I know You have given me the strength I need to do the things You ask of me, so Lord, please help me.

The Last Sin Eater by Francine Rivers

It is so sad how so often we live in deception. We stand in the way of the Father, living for satan instead.
It is so beautiful, the sweet aroma of Christ and His redemptive power and touch. He is a forgiving Father.
He opens the eyes of those who are blinded and sets the captives free.
It does not matter our past, if we are willing to confess our sins, we are forgive, free to walk a new life.
He cleanses us and makes us white as snow, with the choice to serve Him in all things.
Jesus came to die for our sins, not to condemn us.
He came to take the sins of the world on His back so that we could spend eternity in heaven.
He came to bring peace, love, healing, forgiveness, and change.
He set the world on fire.
No person can take our burdens and set us free.
Only Jesus can do that.
All are deserving of hell for the sins we have committed but through what Jesus did for us, we have the chance to be set free, forgiven, and to live in heaven with God.
What an amazing thing Jesus did for me. For you.
I believe in the Son of God and I choose to live for Him.

Relationships

I was talking to a guy friend of mine and I just got so much enlightenment.
It was beautiful.
People really can change.
No matter what a persons past is, they can let it go. Yes, it may be more difficult to change and there is always the possibility of returning to past ways but love is all about risk.
It was such a refreshing conversation about life, love, and relationships.
Gave me so much to think about.

Introduction

Introduction:
"God put something deep down inside of us that evokes a desire to be more like Him."

"Don't be satisfied with less. You can be better."

"God always wants to increase us, to do more in and through us."

"We can't let wrong mind-sets, a negative past, or other people's opinions discourage us or cause us to give up and quit pressing forward. People who want to live at their full potential have discovered that the good can often be the enemy of the best."

"First, you understand that God wants you to become all that He created you to be. Second, it is imperative that you realize that God will do His part, but you must do your part as well."

1. Keep pressing forward.
2. Be positive toward yourself.
3. Develop better relationships.
4. Form better habits.
5. Embrace the place where you are.
6. Develop your inner life.
7. Stay passionate about life.

"God wants to bring you through, to bring you out even better, and to restore everything you have lost, plus give you more!"

This book is encouraging, uplifting, and exciting to read. I will post my highlights and thoughts at the bottom to keep myself remembering what I learned and hoping you can get something from it too!

Contemplative

I feel like I stopped believing in myself somewhere along the way and as a result, I have held back from all the desires God has placed in my heart. Even in Peru I felt like I was holding back from all that God had for me. And that is sad to admit, but it is true. I feel like because of the rejection and pain I have encountered throughout my life and especially within the past two years has been a crutch for me to not be the best I can be.
I started reading Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen and I am only on like page 20 and I am getting SO much from it. Truths that I already have known or heard throughout my life but mean so much more to me right now where I am at in life. I am soaking it all up and it is great. I love it.
I do not want to live in fear and I do not want to live as though I do not deserve to live the life God has for me. He put desires in my heart that He wants me to carry out and I do not want to die knowing that I did not give my all and allow God to fulfill His dreams and desires in and through me!
I want to press forward, despite my failures, because God loves me despite my mistakes. In my weakness He is strongest!