Life is so different on the mission field.

And yet I am in the center of my own mission field right now. I mean it is different because I am in the middle of my everyday circumstances and it is quite difficult to see it as a mission field sometimes when I get so caught up in the daily routine of life.

I have so much to think about. So much on my mind. And yet I feel as though no way to explain it or express it.

I had such a beautiful moment with my niece just the other night. I want more moments like that! I need to find a job but I want it to be a job with kids but I do not know if that will happen. I need to get insurance and yet I do not take care of the necessary steps to getting insurance!

Yikes!

I am excited to be done with school but if I do not take care of what comes after school, then I will be done in December and will be in a rut!

I feel like I am to return to Peru, for short term, long term, I am uncertain, but I need to take care of what needs to happen in order for me to go to Peru when I am done in December!

So yeah. Lots to think about and plan.

This is a really random post. But I needed to say something.

Even if what I want to say didn't really come out.

Shared this with Emily

In chapel today, we were worshipping. Look up Brooke Fraser (Desert Song girl) on youtube and find her song "You'll Come."

Beautiful song. But anyways, we were singing another song and Dr. Mark Rutland, our President of ORU came onto the stage and talked about how so often songs begin with Me, My, I and how they are not "God-centered" and we started singing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" and it was the closest I ever felt during worship, my mind completely cleared and focused on God. And this vision came to me. It was of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. And in that God was saying, you're looking at it the wrong way. God said in my mind and to my heart, Jesus died for me. He died out of obedience to me because he loves ME so much. Not because he loves you.
It hit me.
It was so much more beautiful. And such a challenge. That Jesus sacrificed himself out of love for his Father. The same we are to do for Him.
What a beautiful revelation.

Missing kids blues

I miss the kids like nobody's business.
I just want to be with them, doing the daily life with them! I hate that it is so difficult to keep in touch with them. Maribel told me I could and I am hoping to make that happen really soon because I miss them for real.
Maybe it is selfish of me though.
I have really been doing school and babysitting. For a family and for my family.
I got my job on campus back, which is good, but I need to get another job as well.
I really have to buckle down on my classes. Even though I am taking 3 classes, they call for a lot of attention and busy work. So I am trying to keep on top of that.
Plus I need to start researching for financial coverages so I can return to Peru even though I have college loans to pay off, boo!
God will provide, I trust in Him. He is bigger than all difficulties.

Post-Peru

I feel like I am just returning to the life I lived before instead of taking all I have learned from this summer and applying it to my life now, making things different, changed.
Maybe it will take time?
Or am I missing something?
I want to live a set-apart life for Christ, to take all I learned from Peru and make a difference in my everyday living.
Lord, please use me.