"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
And yet I feel that is exactly what I do...nothing.
Being back from Peru I have had to face my faults and my shortcomings and it has not be easy. Living for the flesh is not wise. And being selfish takes a toll on a person's soul. God so desires a relationship with His people and all I do is run from that. Not because I do not want a relationship with Him but because of my own insecurities and shames that I feel as though I cannot cry out to Him. All lies from the enemy because in my heart I know that God has forgiven, He has redeemed me, and He has forgotten my past. Even as a new day comes and I make a mistake and ask His forgiveness, the slate is wiped clean.
So I need not worry of my imperfections, and yet they are engraved upon my soul and suffocating me.
I walk a free daughter in Christ and yet I brand myself.
I am my own weakness, my very own critic.
And it rolls over into every aspect of my life.
I long to serve and yet I take.
I long to love and yet I despise.
I long to care and yet I wallow in my pains.
I don't do what I want to do and I do what I don't want to do.
My God, my God please forgive me. I know I am unworthy but by the blood of Jesus I am set free, I am forgiven, I am redeemed.
By His grace, I am made new.
It is I that must make the decisions to walk in that newness, to live that life, to serve with a heart of gladness.
God help me. I know You have given me the strength I need to do the things You ask of me, so Lord, please help me.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Last Sin Eater by Francine Rivers
It is so sad how so often we live in deception. We stand in the way of the Father, living for satan instead.
It is so beautiful, the sweet aroma of Christ and His redemptive power and touch. He is a forgiving Father.
He opens the eyes of those who are blinded and sets the captives free.
It does not matter our past, if we are willing to confess our sins, we are forgive, free to walk a new life.
He cleanses us and makes us white as snow, with the choice to serve Him in all things.
Jesus came to die for our sins, not to condemn us.
He came to take the sins of the world on His back so that we could spend eternity in heaven.
He came to bring peace, love, healing, forgiveness, and change.
He set the world on fire.
No person can take our burdens and set us free.
Only Jesus can do that.
All are deserving of hell for the sins we have committed but through what Jesus did for us, we have the chance to be set free, forgiven, and to live in heaven with God.
What an amazing thing Jesus did for me. For you.
I believe in the Son of God and I choose to live for Him.
It is so beautiful, the sweet aroma of Christ and His redemptive power and touch. He is a forgiving Father.
He opens the eyes of those who are blinded and sets the captives free.
It does not matter our past, if we are willing to confess our sins, we are forgive, free to walk a new life.
He cleanses us and makes us white as snow, with the choice to serve Him in all things.
Jesus came to die for our sins, not to condemn us.
He came to take the sins of the world on His back so that we could spend eternity in heaven.
He came to bring peace, love, healing, forgiveness, and change.
He set the world on fire.
No person can take our burdens and set us free.
Only Jesus can do that.
All are deserving of hell for the sins we have committed but through what Jesus did for us, we have the chance to be set free, forgiven, and to live in heaven with God.
What an amazing thing Jesus did for me. For you.
I believe in the Son of God and I choose to live for Him.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Relationships
I was talking to a guy friend of mine and I just got so much enlightenment.
It was beautiful.
People really can change.
No matter what a persons past is, they can let it go. Yes, it may be more difficult to change and there is always the possibility of returning to past ways but love is all about risk.
It was such a refreshing conversation about life, love, and relationships.
Gave me so much to think about.
It was beautiful.
People really can change.
No matter what a persons past is, they can let it go. Yes, it may be more difficult to change and there is always the possibility of returning to past ways but love is all about risk.
It was such a refreshing conversation about life, love, and relationships.
Gave me so much to think about.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Introduction
Introduction:
"God put something deep down inside of us that evokes a desire to be more like Him."
"Don't be satisfied with less. You can be better."
"God always wants to increase us, to do more in and through us."
"We can't let wrong mind-sets, a negative past, or other people's opinions discourage us or cause us to give up and quit pressing forward. People who want to live at their full potential have discovered that the good can often be the enemy of the best."
"First, you understand that God wants you to become all that He created you to be. Second, it is imperative that you realize that God will do His part, but you must do your part as well."
1. Keep pressing forward.
2. Be positive toward yourself.
3. Develop better relationships.
4. Form better habits.
5. Embrace the place where you are.
6. Develop your inner life.
7. Stay passionate about life.
"God wants to bring you through, to bring you out even better, and to restore everything you have lost, plus give you more!"
This book is encouraging, uplifting, and exciting to read. I will post my highlights and thoughts at the bottom to keep myself remembering what I learned and hoping you can get something from it too!
"God put something deep down inside of us that evokes a desire to be more like Him."
"Don't be satisfied with less. You can be better."
"God always wants to increase us, to do more in and through us."
"We can't let wrong mind-sets, a negative past, or other people's opinions discourage us or cause us to give up and quit pressing forward. People who want to live at their full potential have discovered that the good can often be the enemy of the best."
"First, you understand that God wants you to become all that He created you to be. Second, it is imperative that you realize that God will do His part, but you must do your part as well."
1. Keep pressing forward.
2. Be positive toward yourself.
3. Develop better relationships.
4. Form better habits.
5. Embrace the place where you are.
6. Develop your inner life.
7. Stay passionate about life.
"God wants to bring you through, to bring you out even better, and to restore everything you have lost, plus give you more!"
This book is encouraging, uplifting, and exciting to read. I will post my highlights and thoughts at the bottom to keep myself remembering what I learned and hoping you can get something from it too!
Contemplative
I feel like I stopped believing in myself somewhere along the way and as a result, I have held back from all the desires God has placed in my heart. Even in Peru I felt like I was holding back from all that God had for me. And that is sad to admit, but it is true. I feel like because of the rejection and pain I have encountered throughout my life and especially within the past two years has been a crutch for me to not be the best I can be.
I started reading Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen and I am only on like page 20 and I am getting SO much from it. Truths that I already have known or heard throughout my life but mean so much more to me right now where I am at in life. I am soaking it all up and it is great. I love it.
I do not want to live in fear and I do not want to live as though I do not deserve to live the life God has for me. He put desires in my heart that He wants me to carry out and I do not want to die knowing that I did not give my all and allow God to fulfill His dreams and desires in and through me!
I want to press forward, despite my failures, because God loves me despite my mistakes. In my weakness He is strongest!
I started reading Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day by Joel Osteen and I am only on like page 20 and I am getting SO much from it. Truths that I already have known or heard throughout my life but mean so much more to me right now where I am at in life. I am soaking it all up and it is great. I love it.
I do not want to live in fear and I do not want to live as though I do not deserve to live the life God has for me. He put desires in my heart that He wants me to carry out and I do not want to die knowing that I did not give my all and allow God to fulfill His dreams and desires in and through me!
I want to press forward, despite my failures, because God loves me despite my mistakes. In my weakness He is strongest!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Life
So no school this semester which means I have to devote myself to working. I am actually excited about that, if I could just find a job. I am going to have some very high bills for school so I need some jobs ASAP!
Yes, plural.
I have a babysitting job on Monday's from 8:30-4:30 and I might get this job I interviewed at on the weekends, Saturday 8-5 and Sunday 12-5. But now I need a job from Tuesday-Friday.
I was unpacking boxes today that were in the attic that I packed before I went to Peru and in my head I was thinking, soon I will be packing these boxes again and moving on to the next phase of my life.
I am ready for that phase.
I mean I think God has some things for me to learn before I can start it, but I am excited about it.
I need to learn about finances and living on a budget and taking care of myself so that I know I can survive on my own.
I have nothing exciting to say currently, just needed to feel my fingers hitting the keys, releasing thoughts inside my head.
Yes, plural.
I have a babysitting job on Monday's from 8:30-4:30 and I might get this job I interviewed at on the weekends, Saturday 8-5 and Sunday 12-5. But now I need a job from Tuesday-Friday.
I was unpacking boxes today that were in the attic that I packed before I went to Peru and in my head I was thinking, soon I will be packing these boxes again and moving on to the next phase of my life.
I am ready for that phase.
I mean I think God has some things for me to learn before I can start it, but I am excited about it.
I need to learn about finances and living on a budget and taking care of myself so that I know I can survive on my own.
I have nothing exciting to say currently, just needed to feel my fingers hitting the keys, releasing thoughts inside my head.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Breaks my heart
I cannot believe what is happening in Haiti!
What devastating blow this morning.
After they have lost over 72,000 people and so many injured and homeless, they have the worst aftershock ever.
I think it is great that so many are helping, I only wish I could help more.
I will have to be praying for them because this is so sad.
I cannot even imagine this happening to the US, to people I know and love.
How scary and difficult it must be for the survivors!
I pray that God protects the people and that He provides for them and that they see Him in the midst of the turmoil.
What devastating blow this morning.
After they have lost over 72,000 people and so many injured and homeless, they have the worst aftershock ever.
I think it is great that so many are helping, I only wish I could help more.
I will have to be praying for them because this is so sad.
I cannot even imagine this happening to the US, to people I know and love.
How scary and difficult it must be for the survivors!
I pray that God protects the people and that He provides for them and that they see Him in the midst of the turmoil.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
3 days 23 hours 17 minutes and 40 seconds
I am excited for the weather.
But I will miss seeing my nieces and nephew everyday.
I am excited for the embraces of the kids at the orphanage.
But I will miss talking to my family everyday.
I am excited for furthering the friendships I have made with the children.
But I will miss my best friends.
I am excited for the adventure that God is taking me on.
And although I will miss so many people and things, giving a year to Go Ye Ministries will be one of the best years of my life.
A friend told me she wants to graduate but she is not looking forward to having to work everyday like I am going to have to do. I told her "But when you have your dream job it's different. Working with 40 kids everyday, loving on them and making sure they are safe and taken care of makes me feel super blessed! I know it will be stressful but I wouldn't have it any other way!" I went on to say that you "Just gotta find the right one. The one that is worth any bad that is thrown your way because all the good outweighs any bad that could possibly happen!" Because life is not always stress free. That is just how it is.
But I am so thankful and blessed for the opportunity to serve in Peru.
I am honored to be a part of the ministry and to work with all of those beautiful children.
I just hope that they can see more of Christ and less of me everyday.
But I will miss seeing my nieces and nephew everyday.
I am excited for the embraces of the kids at the orphanage.
But I will miss talking to my family everyday.
I am excited for furthering the friendships I have made with the children.
But I will miss my best friends.
I am excited for the adventure that God is taking me on.
And although I will miss so many people and things, giving a year to Go Ye Ministries will be one of the best years of my life.
A friend told me she wants to graduate but she is not looking forward to having to work everyday like I am going to have to do. I told her "But when you have your dream job it's different. Working with 40 kids everyday, loving on them and making sure they are safe and taken care of makes me feel super blessed! I know it will be stressful but I wouldn't have it any other way!" I went on to say that you "Just gotta find the right one. The one that is worth any bad that is thrown your way because all the good outweighs any bad that could possibly happen!" Because life is not always stress free. That is just how it is.
But I am so thankful and blessed for the opportunity to serve in Peru.
I am honored to be a part of the ministry and to work with all of those beautiful children.
I just hope that they can see more of Christ and less of me everyday.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year!
I took in the New Year with great friends!
We went to church from 7-10 p.m. and had worship, testimonies, and food.
And then we watched YouTube videos until around 12:45 a.m. ha ha
And then we watched Law Abiding Citizen which is a really intense movie.
It sparked a Philosophical discussion which lasted until around 7 a.m.
Then we began to watch Inglorious Basterds but they fell asleep and I tossed and turn until 11 a.m.
It was cool to hear their hearts and beliefs, the things they were raised on and the things they knew of the Bible. It challenged me in what I believe and why I believe it and that was so good. I mean we have pretty much all of the same beliefs.
Then I came home and babysat my nieces and nephew so that Emma and Dan could go on a date to Brett and Mary's house. I am sure that it was much needed and I was happy to be there to babysit for them. They went to sleep at 8 and I watched Criminal Minds for two hours which was about different serial killers which sparked an uncomfortable feeling about going to sleep when Emma and Dan still had not returned so I watched Oprah at 11 and it was about Fantastic Families that Oprah had found out about over the years and I cried. ha ha.
The first story was about a lady who was at her church service and there were 12 Liberian orphans singing to raise money for their orphanage in Liberia that were there and while they were performing she felt the nudging of the Lord that two of these teenage boys were her sons. She and her husband already had children. After the service two of the boys went up to her and her family and hugged her and called her mom. She ended up adopting them and it started a chain reaction. Several other family friends ended up adopting some of the other boys, which sparked other families in the same community to adopt some of the children that were still in Liberia. And I am pretty sure that like 40 something kids were adopted from Liberia just from this one community of believers in Charlotte, North Carolina.
I was overwhelmed with tears because the Lord has pressed orphans upon my heart for some time now and I know that someday I will probably have the same calling upon my heart to adopt. It is a beautiful story really.
2009 was so much better than 2008. I am going to believe that 2010 is going to be even better than 2009!
I learned a lot in 2009 and found so much healing. I found friends for a lifetime and a country that I have fallen in love with. I have found children to adore and a calling to go. I am excited for the journey of 2010 and I pray God that I leave it in your hands as You guide me on this adventure in Peru.
We went to church from 7-10 p.m. and had worship, testimonies, and food.
And then we watched YouTube videos until around 12:45 a.m. ha ha
And then we watched Law Abiding Citizen which is a really intense movie.
It sparked a Philosophical discussion which lasted until around 7 a.m.
Then we began to watch Inglorious Basterds but they fell asleep and I tossed and turn until 11 a.m.
It was cool to hear their hearts and beliefs, the things they were raised on and the things they knew of the Bible. It challenged me in what I believe and why I believe it and that was so good. I mean we have pretty much all of the same beliefs.
Then I came home and babysat my nieces and nephew so that Emma and Dan could go on a date to Brett and Mary's house. I am sure that it was much needed and I was happy to be there to babysit for them. They went to sleep at 8 and I watched Criminal Minds for two hours which was about different serial killers which sparked an uncomfortable feeling about going to sleep when Emma and Dan still had not returned so I watched Oprah at 11 and it was about Fantastic Families that Oprah had found out about over the years and I cried. ha ha.
The first story was about a lady who was at her church service and there were 12 Liberian orphans singing to raise money for their orphanage in Liberia that were there and while they were performing she felt the nudging of the Lord that two of these teenage boys were her sons. She and her husband already had children. After the service two of the boys went up to her and her family and hugged her and called her mom. She ended up adopting them and it started a chain reaction. Several other family friends ended up adopting some of the other boys, which sparked other families in the same community to adopt some of the children that were still in Liberia. And I am pretty sure that like 40 something kids were adopted from Liberia just from this one community of believers in Charlotte, North Carolina.
I was overwhelmed with tears because the Lord has pressed orphans upon my heart for some time now and I know that someday I will probably have the same calling upon my heart to adopt. It is a beautiful story really.
2009 was so much better than 2008. I am going to believe that 2010 is going to be even better than 2009!
I learned a lot in 2009 and found so much healing. I found friends for a lifetime and a country that I have fallen in love with. I have found children to adore and a calling to go. I am excited for the journey of 2010 and I pray God that I leave it in your hands as You guide me on this adventure in Peru.
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