This is one amazing and impressive book. I've had the book for many months and every time I picked it up to read, I felt so energized afterwards. It really speaks truth in such a more necessary way.
Here are some quotes:
"My point is that ardent love leads to ardent loyalty. I love Jesus. And in step with my ardent love for my King, I give up my mind, my heart, and my body for Him to define according to the pattern of His kingdom. I am exclusively His. And therefore, it is His thoughts, His ideas, and His manner that shapes me--nothing else..I made the choice long ago that if anything--no matter how true it may sound--violates the words of my King as revealed in Scripture, I will treat it as the most dangerous lie."
"To yield our minds, hearts, and bodies to anything but the truth as revealed in Scripture is to sleep with the enemy."
"Why is it that quite often the only person who gets rebuked, confronted, or called out in metrotheistic Christianity is not the sinner, but the one taking a stand against the sin?"
"If the church were half as afraid of sin as it is of legalism then she would be a perfect and holy bride without spot or wrinkle."
"The bravehearted life is a life lived where Jesus lived--a life spent on the same things Jesus spent His life on."
"He came for the destitute, the enslaved, the prostituted, the addicted, and the diseased. He came for the naked, the lonely, the suicidal, the broken, and the battered. He came for you. He came for me. He took on flesh and He dwelt among us. He was not untouched by our infirmities."
"Isaiah said that in the day of judgment God will sweep away the refuge of lies so that all who have made lies their refuge will stand naked before the One who is the Truth and who is the Light."
"Do we not realize that God's problems are by their very nature, our problems? Do we not realize that we are His body? We are His hands to serve the least, we are His might to swing His sword, we are His army to crush the jaws of the wicked and to rescue the dying from their fangs. We are His feet to leap the high wall, rush into the fray, engage the oppressor, and dart for safety with His treasure in our grip. We are His mouth to command the forces of Hell to fall back in obeisance, to preach the words of hope to the masses, and to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
"And when we yield our bodies to Him, He moves us to action. He loves through us, He prays through us, He become a father to the orphan through us, He rescues the oppressed through us, and He demonstrates His holiness through us. It is not us that pull off this miracle, but Christ working in us."
"When you feel the sting of God upon your conscience, that is conviction, not condemnation. When a Spirit-born message makes you squirm and your soul is sweating under the intense warmth of God's white hot searchlight, that is conviction, not condemnation. Conviction is always present when the Spirit of God comes. There is always discomfort, always a squirm within the soul, and always an uncomfortable heat that is laboring to expose an inner rebellion. But such discomfort is given, ironically, in order to save us from condemnation not bring condemnation. This comfortable heat is brought in order to rescue us, bring us hope, and give us life abundant."
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Family.
This Christmas, even though I did not get to travel to see specific family members, it was great to see the family that was able to come to us. We got snowed in and enjoyed our White Christmas. We had lots of fun, playing games, taking lots of pictures, playing with the little ones and catching up with each other. And just spending more quality time together.
I don't know if it was as special and important to them as it was me.
But I caught myself appreciating it, them more.
I may not have shown it but I definitely was taking it all in.
I mean I probably won't see my family for a year.
That is a big deal.
Because even going to college, I always had at least one family member nearby.
Now I am going into a place with people who I consider family, but are not the family that I have been around for the past 23 years. I will experience all of the different holiday's differently for the first time ever, without my blood family.
So many changes are coming and they are coming so rapidly.
I am so excited, don't get me wrong.
Just noticing things differently nowadays.
Forgetting a lot of the shortcomings and focusing mainly on the fact that they are my family and I love them dearly. That and I have learned so much from them each individually. I would not be who I am today without them.
I am forever thankful for my family.
And my friends.
God has truly blessed me.
I don't know if it was as special and important to them as it was me.
But I caught myself appreciating it, them more.
I may not have shown it but I definitely was taking it all in.
I mean I probably won't see my family for a year.
That is a big deal.
Because even going to college, I always had at least one family member nearby.
Now I am going into a place with people who I consider family, but are not the family that I have been around for the past 23 years. I will experience all of the different holiday's differently for the first time ever, without my blood family.
So many changes are coming and they are coming so rapidly.
I am so excited, don't get me wrong.
Just noticing things differently nowadays.
Forgetting a lot of the shortcomings and focusing mainly on the fact that they are my family and I love them dearly. That and I have learned so much from them each individually. I would not be who I am today without them.
I am forever thankful for my family.
And my friends.
God has truly blessed me.
Friday, December 25, 2009
500 Days of Summer
Man, I wish someone had told me the ending to this movie because I seriously would not have seen it.
Depressing. Real. But I escape reality through movies.
I mean, Braveheart is my favorite movie. It is so sad.
But there is so much hope and so much life to it that I accept all the bad with the good.
It is just different.
But with this movie it builds up to him winning her back.
Not having a reality check and her getting married to another guy.
And then him on day 500 meeting someone else.
I mean it is true that life is not a coincidence.
And that things in life can totally change us or set us up for something else.
But I was just rooting for the two of them to be together and then BAM
She marries someone else and they never even show him.
He doesn't even get an introduction.
I don't know what bothered me so much about it.
Probably how real it was. I'm not sure.
But I really did not like it.
It was well-made and great actors.
But I don't want to ever watch it again.
I cried. Which is not really abnormal.
But it was hurting cry. A cry that I don't want to cry again.
I know I am weird. But I'm just speaking the truth.
Depressing. Real. But I escape reality through movies.
I mean, Braveheart is my favorite movie. It is so sad.
But there is so much hope and so much life to it that I accept all the bad with the good.
It is just different.
But with this movie it builds up to him winning her back.
Not having a reality check and her getting married to another guy.
And then him on day 500 meeting someone else.
I mean it is true that life is not a coincidence.
And that things in life can totally change us or set us up for something else.
But I was just rooting for the two of them to be together and then BAM
She marries someone else and they never even show him.
He doesn't even get an introduction.
I don't know what bothered me so much about it.
Probably how real it was. I'm not sure.
But I really did not like it.
It was well-made and great actors.
But I don't want to ever watch it again.
I cried. Which is not really abnormal.
But it was hurting cry. A cry that I don't want to cry again.
I know I am weird. But I'm just speaking the truth.
Christmas 2009
Christmas has been absolutely amazing.
Time with family has been perfect.
I mean not everyone was here that I would have liked.
But it was great to not be sick this year.
And to see my nieces open presents.
And to share these moments with the family that was present.
And to be silly with Caleb and see his adorable smile.
And to drink hot chocolate, eat sweets, and play a game.
We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly and Christmas should be about family.
And remembering that Jesus came to earth to save us.
He loved us enough to die for us.
And if He had not been born, we would not have a chance to live in eternity with Christ.
Today was a beautiful day.
And I loved hearing that the kids in Peru had an amazing Christmas. Kevin said it was the best ever.
Whether that is literally true, I do not know, but it made me happy to know they had a memorable one.
And it was my first White Christmas EVER! So that was a big deal.
We got lots of pictures and had fun playing in the snow.
Today was a lovely day.
And tomorrow we get to see more family.
So I am excited for that.
Time with family has been perfect.
I mean not everyone was here that I would have liked.
But it was great to not be sick this year.
And to see my nieces open presents.
And to share these moments with the family that was present.
And to be silly with Caleb and see his adorable smile.
And to drink hot chocolate, eat sweets, and play a game.
We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly and Christmas should be about family.
And remembering that Jesus came to earth to save us.
He loved us enough to die for us.
And if He had not been born, we would not have a chance to live in eternity with Christ.
Today was a beautiful day.
And I loved hearing that the kids in Peru had an amazing Christmas. Kevin said it was the best ever.
Whether that is literally true, I do not know, but it made me happy to know they had a memorable one.
And it was my first White Christmas EVER! So that was a big deal.
We got lots of pictures and had fun playing in the snow.
Today was a lovely day.
And tomorrow we get to see more family.
So I am excited for that.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
God really knows how to put the pieces of the puzzle together...in His own timing.
Sometimes impatience likes to kick in when I think it is time to know the answers to things I wish I already knew.
But then I am reminded that it does not work that way and no matter how impatient I get, the answer doesn't come any quicker than if I were being patient.
So why not be patient all the way through? And enjoy how it unfolds. The mystery of it all.
Trying to convince myself here.
Some things are easy to not be impatient about.
Other things that are more life changing tend to make a girl want to know. ha ha.
I officially will be in Peru for a year. Maybe longer. Who knows. Not I.
But that's not really what I am concerned about.
I know that God will take care of me in that area.
I know He will take care of me in every area of my life actually.
So why am I getting all worked up about something.
Goodness, calm down girl.
=]
Sometimes impatience likes to kick in when I think it is time to know the answers to things I wish I already knew.
But then I am reminded that it does not work that way and no matter how impatient I get, the answer doesn't come any quicker than if I were being patient.
So why not be patient all the way through? And enjoy how it unfolds. The mystery of it all.
Trying to convince myself here.
Some things are easy to not be impatient about.
Other things that are more life changing tend to make a girl want to know. ha ha.
I officially will be in Peru for a year. Maybe longer. Who knows. Not I.
But that's not really what I am concerned about.
I know that God will take care of me in that area.
I know He will take care of me in every area of my life actually.
So why am I getting all worked up about something.
Goodness, calm down girl.
=]
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Journey of Life
In the past I hated moving.
The idea of new people, new surroundings, freaked me out.
I mean I grew up in the same city for 17 years. And there was still constant change, with my parents divorce and going back and forth between them. I just wanted some sense of stability.
Then I moved to Arkansas in high school.
And for the first time I thought, maybe this could be a chance for me to start all over. To be who I want to be.
I was tired of being made fun of and disliked just because I did not fit in with everyone. I was determined to live a set apart life for Christ, whatever that meant.
When I moved to Arkansas, even though I definitely did not fit in with the norm, I felt like for the first time I was accepted for who I was.
They did not judge me for living differently than them and I did not judge them for living differently than me.
That year in Arkansas, I feel like I learned so much. One day can change a person's life, let alone an entire year. It was the beginning of something new.
That was the year that I decided I no longer wanted to be a Pediatrician, but a counselor to the hurting and broken children of the world. That was when I decided to go into Social Work once I was in college.
Then I moved back to Louisiana my senior year and that was rough. I loved it in Arkansas but I just could not remain there.
God had a different path for me to live on.
That year began a journey of self-discovery in the art of self-esteem.
I had to learn to have confidence in who I was in Christ and not look at all my short comings. I could no longer allow what other people said to define me.
It was a long journey, well into college.
My college years were some of the best years of my life and some of the absolute worst. College is more than just getting educated academically. It is figuring out what you believe and why you believe it. It is living what you believe despite what others believe. It is learning and growing, maturing into a person you want to become. Every year I felt like I was learning something different.
And yet I still struggled with similar things each year. It seemed I could not kick certain things but now looking back it is because I did not learn them the first time, or the second time, etc. And I needed to learn them so they weren't going away until I did. Thank God I believe I Finally have learned those specific things. ha ha!
You win some and you lose some in college. In life really.
It is about getting back up when you lose and not letting the defeat get you down. It is about taking all the things you have learned your entire life and learning from them, allowing Christ to mold you, rather than trying to do it on your own. College is a journey and it is only one chapter of life.
It is a foundation, a preparation ground for all that is to come.
As the door is closing on college and a new door is opening, I am not afraid of the change. I am nervous for the unknown, but I am thankful that God has called me to something that I know I cannot do without Him. I am nothing and He is everything. I just hope that I can bring glory to His name in all that I do in Peru.
The idea of new people, new surroundings, freaked me out.
I mean I grew up in the same city for 17 years. And there was still constant change, with my parents divorce and going back and forth between them. I just wanted some sense of stability.
Then I moved to Arkansas in high school.
And for the first time I thought, maybe this could be a chance for me to start all over. To be who I want to be.
I was tired of being made fun of and disliked just because I did not fit in with everyone. I was determined to live a set apart life for Christ, whatever that meant.
When I moved to Arkansas, even though I definitely did not fit in with the norm, I felt like for the first time I was accepted for who I was.
They did not judge me for living differently than them and I did not judge them for living differently than me.
That year in Arkansas, I feel like I learned so much. One day can change a person's life, let alone an entire year. It was the beginning of something new.
That was the year that I decided I no longer wanted to be a Pediatrician, but a counselor to the hurting and broken children of the world. That was when I decided to go into Social Work once I was in college.
Then I moved back to Louisiana my senior year and that was rough. I loved it in Arkansas but I just could not remain there.
God had a different path for me to live on.
That year began a journey of self-discovery in the art of self-esteem.
I had to learn to have confidence in who I was in Christ and not look at all my short comings. I could no longer allow what other people said to define me.
It was a long journey, well into college.
My college years were some of the best years of my life and some of the absolute worst. College is more than just getting educated academically. It is figuring out what you believe and why you believe it. It is living what you believe despite what others believe. It is learning and growing, maturing into a person you want to become. Every year I felt like I was learning something different.
And yet I still struggled with similar things each year. It seemed I could not kick certain things but now looking back it is because I did not learn them the first time, or the second time, etc. And I needed to learn them so they weren't going away until I did. Thank God I believe I Finally have learned those specific things. ha ha!
You win some and you lose some in college. In life really.
It is about getting back up when you lose and not letting the defeat get you down. It is about taking all the things you have learned your entire life and learning from them, allowing Christ to mold you, rather than trying to do it on your own. College is a journey and it is only one chapter of life.
It is a foundation, a preparation ground for all that is to come.
As the door is closing on college and a new door is opening, I am not afraid of the change. I am nervous for the unknown, but I am thankful that God has called me to something that I know I cannot do without Him. I am nothing and He is everything. I just hope that I can bring glory to His name in all that I do in Peru.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
One Tree Hill
It is odd to believe in something so much when it is fake.
But maybe it is a representation of something you hope for someday.
And in that it becomes so real to you that you cry with it, get angry with it, and go through all the emotions in the book. ha ha. That is how I am with One Tree Hill these days. I know it has a lot of drama and bull in it. And frankly, it has a lot of things in it that are no bueno. But it also has a lot of good things.
There are some really awesome quotes and stories that unfold. There are some deep messages and ways of life that can be learned. And there are things that can be learned so that one does not make the same dumb mistakes in real life.
You can learn something from anything. If you just open your eyes.
But maybe it is a representation of something you hope for someday.
And in that it becomes so real to you that you cry with it, get angry with it, and go through all the emotions in the book. ha ha. That is how I am with One Tree Hill these days. I know it has a lot of drama and bull in it. And frankly, it has a lot of things in it that are no bueno. But it also has a lot of good things.
There are some really awesome quotes and stories that unfold. There are some deep messages and ways of life that can be learned. And there are things that can be learned so that one does not make the same dumb mistakes in real life.
You can learn something from anything. If you just open your eyes.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Nothing much to say.
I am finished with college forever.
It is a bittersweet ending. I am thankful for it.
I am ready to be gone already. ha ha.
But I have to take care of things before I just head out.
It still seems unreal that I am going to venture to Peru for who knows how long.
I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.
I really have nothing to say but I wanted to update for Aimee =]
My beautiful friend visited me from Thursday-Saturday and we had the time of our lives! We watched movies, tv series, spent time with my family, and some of my friends. I hope she loved it just as much as I did. It sort of felt unreal that she came to visit me.
My friend Heather may come to Peru with me. She would not come until March but I hope and pray it works out because I would love to have her by my side. She hasn't lived near me since 2006 so it would be awesome to see her on a regular basis. Maybe a bit selfish but we always talked about how someday we may be on the missionfield together. I would love for this to be it!
I hope and pray I get to see Emily over break but I do not have a car so the likelihood of that is slim. It all depends on how long my mom stays to visit. So we shall see. Otherwise we shall meet again in Peru shortly!
I am going to really miss people when I leave but I am excited for my new journey.
I wouldn't have it any other way!
It is a bittersweet ending. I am thankful for it.
I am ready to be gone already. ha ha.
But I have to take care of things before I just head out.
It still seems unreal that I am going to venture to Peru for who knows how long.
I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.
I really have nothing to say but I wanted to update for Aimee =]
My beautiful friend visited me from Thursday-Saturday and we had the time of our lives! We watched movies, tv series, spent time with my family, and some of my friends. I hope she loved it just as much as I did. It sort of felt unreal that she came to visit me.
My friend Heather may come to Peru with me. She would not come until March but I hope and pray it works out because I would love to have her by my side. She hasn't lived near me since 2006 so it would be awesome to see her on a regular basis. Maybe a bit selfish but we always talked about how someday we may be on the missionfield together. I would love for this to be it!
I hope and pray I get to see Emily over break but I do not have a car so the likelihood of that is slim. It all depends on how long my mom stays to visit. So we shall see. Otherwise we shall meet again in Peru shortly!
I am going to really miss people when I leave but I am excited for my new journey.
I wouldn't have it any other way!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Rant
It shocks me how people who are raised in the church can be so anti-God.
I mean, putting aside the bad preachers, the hypocritical people, the bad role models, the influence of the world, etc., how can you put aside God?
Because all those other things don't matter.
They are just excuses to not give absolute awe, respect, love, adoration to the One God who created us, who loves us, who sent His Son to die for us, and who gives us His grace daily, even when we choose to screw up.
How people can become so tainted, so jaded, so deceived is beyond me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I have lived in deception. In fact, I lived in that deception for 5 months of my life consistently but even while living in that deception, Christ in me was fighting for my life. I felt it and was aware of Him almost daily. Scriptures were popping up and convicting me constantly. People who knew nothing of the lifestyle I was living in said things that just blew me away, as if God were speaking directly to my soul. How can people deny that?
It is crazy how people can walk around on this earth and not see God.
And saying that too many bad things happen in this world for there to be a good God is sad and just another excuse to not have to live for God. Bad things happen to people everyday, to good and bad people, it is a part of life and even though it stinks royally, it does not mean that God does not care or love those people who get hurt.
Jesus died a horrible death on the cross, He was not spared pain, why should any of us be? He was perfect and yet He still experienced the ultimate pain. We sin on a daily basis, why do we think we deserve a perfect life?
It is all just saddening to see people deny Christ daily. And for what? or for whom?
I choose God, in the good and even in the bad.
I mean, putting aside the bad preachers, the hypocritical people, the bad role models, the influence of the world, etc., how can you put aside God?
Because all those other things don't matter.
They are just excuses to not give absolute awe, respect, love, adoration to the One God who created us, who loves us, who sent His Son to die for us, and who gives us His grace daily, even when we choose to screw up.
How people can become so tainted, so jaded, so deceived is beyond me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I have lived in deception. In fact, I lived in that deception for 5 months of my life consistently but even while living in that deception, Christ in me was fighting for my life. I felt it and was aware of Him almost daily. Scriptures were popping up and convicting me constantly. People who knew nothing of the lifestyle I was living in said things that just blew me away, as if God were speaking directly to my soul. How can people deny that?
It is crazy how people can walk around on this earth and not see God.
And saying that too many bad things happen in this world for there to be a good God is sad and just another excuse to not have to live for God. Bad things happen to people everyday, to good and bad people, it is a part of life and even though it stinks royally, it does not mean that God does not care or love those people who get hurt.
Jesus died a horrible death on the cross, He was not spared pain, why should any of us be? He was perfect and yet He still experienced the ultimate pain. We sin on a daily basis, why do we think we deserve a perfect life?
It is all just saddening to see people deny Christ daily. And for what? or for whom?
I choose God, in the good and even in the bad.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
My heart's cry!
A friend of mine asked me about Peru and this is what I said...
Peru was the best choice I ever made for myself. Well, God definitely is the one who opened the door and made it crystal clear that I was supposed to go there through the financial provisions.
The only thing I wasn't a huge fan of was having to take some cold showers pretty frequently and sometimes the food was a bit much for me. But the inconveniences are far outweighed by how much I truly fell in love with the place, and even more so, the people, the children especially.
I mean, I lived at the orphanage and breathed in those kids all day long. I went to school with them, ate lunch with them, helped them with homework, played outside with them, watched movies with them at night, went to church with them, for 9 whole weeks. And they were attached to me just as much as I was attached to them.
And for the 10th whole week, I was even more consumed with them because I was a House Mother, meaning me and another mother were in charge of 21 kids. I moved into their actual house with them, woke up at 6 or 7 in the morning and never left their side, making breakfast for them, having to discipline them, tell them no, not just being the friend anymore, but a mother figure. I even had a day and a half where I was the only house mother. And I loved every minute of it. The only complaint is needing to know more spanish so that I can really share my heart with them.
I loved playing basketball with them. Because I am actually good at it compared to them, ha ha ha! So they loved playing with me. We played almost everyday and it was just amazing.
And besides the kids, there were other volunteers that came throughout the 10 weeks that I was there and I became super close to two of them. Emily was a 16 year old volunteer that came and she and I hit it off on the basketball court the first day she arrived. She went through a similar circumstance last year and we have just become sisters as a result. She and I are super close and God brought the friendship at the exact time it was needed. Another girl named Aimee came 3 weeks after Emily, and Aimee and I are now best friends too. She has a huge heart and the light of God shines through in all she says and does. God definitely arranged divine appointments while being in Peru and He is not done with me there. I do not know how long I will be there but I know that I am super excited to return.
I could talk more but I do not want to write too much and bore you, ha ha. Thanks for asking =] Peru is a part of my heart and sharing it with others is something I love to do.
Peru was the best choice I ever made for myself. Well, God definitely is the one who opened the door and made it crystal clear that I was supposed to go there through the financial provisions.
The only thing I wasn't a huge fan of was having to take some cold showers pretty frequently and sometimes the food was a bit much for me. But the inconveniences are far outweighed by how much I truly fell in love with the place, and even more so, the people, the children especially.
I mean, I lived at the orphanage and breathed in those kids all day long. I went to school with them, ate lunch with them, helped them with homework, played outside with them, watched movies with them at night, went to church with them, for 9 whole weeks. And they were attached to me just as much as I was attached to them.
And for the 10th whole week, I was even more consumed with them because I was a House Mother, meaning me and another mother were in charge of 21 kids. I moved into their actual house with them, woke up at 6 or 7 in the morning and never left their side, making breakfast for them, having to discipline them, tell them no, not just being the friend anymore, but a mother figure. I even had a day and a half where I was the only house mother. And I loved every minute of it. The only complaint is needing to know more spanish so that I can really share my heart with them.
I loved playing basketball with them. Because I am actually good at it compared to them, ha ha ha! So they loved playing with me. We played almost everyday and it was just amazing.
And besides the kids, there were other volunteers that came throughout the 10 weeks that I was there and I became super close to two of them. Emily was a 16 year old volunteer that came and she and I hit it off on the basketball court the first day she arrived. She went through a similar circumstance last year and we have just become sisters as a result. She and I are super close and God brought the friendship at the exact time it was needed. Another girl named Aimee came 3 weeks after Emily, and Aimee and I are now best friends too. She has a huge heart and the light of God shines through in all she says and does. God definitely arranged divine appointments while being in Peru and He is not done with me there. I do not know how long I will be there but I know that I am super excited to return.
I could talk more but I do not want to write too much and bore you, ha ha. Thanks for asking =] Peru is a part of my heart and sharing it with others is something I love to do.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Emotional
I am 23 years old.
I have been an adult for a long time now.
You would think my parents could call me up and tell me their concerns about me graduating and not having a "real" job lined up because of all the loans I have to pay off.
I know what is coming. And I know I have not had such huge responsibilities before this but I also know that God is bigger than all this and as long as I do my part, that God will take care of me.
I just wish they would treat me like an adult and talk to me and not everyone else around me.
I have been an adult for a long time now.
You would think my parents could call me up and tell me their concerns about me graduating and not having a "real" job lined up because of all the loans I have to pay off.
I know what is coming. And I know I have not had such huge responsibilities before this but I also know that God is bigger than all this and as long as I do my part, that God will take care of me.
I just wish they would treat me like an adult and talk to me and not everyone else around me.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Can't Let Go--Landon Pigg
Finality.
I've been dying to make it official, returning to Peru and all and 5 hours after it is official, my mind is racing with all the finalities that will come of this as a result.
Finishing my university career. Wow.
I thought it would never come but now that it is rapidly approaching, it will be hard to let go of. I mean, I have been at school since Fall 2005. I have met so many people. Done so many things, learned so many things, had so many firsts at this school and with people. And now I am doing lasts in these couple months that are left and it is weird looking back on all that has happened, where I am at now.
There are specific things that are hard to let go of: sisterhood, consistency, spiritual atmosphere, chapels, accountability, and I know some of those live on forever but it will forever be different.
There are some people that I will stay in touch with forever, some I may lose contact with from time to time but we will be forever friends, and then there are some that I may never see or talk to again. And I don't know how I feel about that.
I think I feel like some things were left unsaid. Not finished. And I do not intend on finishing it because sometimes others need to take initiative.
Maybe I am just afraid to open a new door and close an old one.
Who knows.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I am SO excited about Peru and have been waiting for this for months. I just have a feeling it is going to alter my life in a HUGE way and that is a bit frightening. I just want to do it all God's way.
I don't want to lose sight.
I don't want to get distracted.
I don't want to become self-centered.
I always want to keep my eyes on Christ and let Him lead me.
No matter where, I will go. No matter what, I will do.
God, I will serve you.
No matter what that means.
Your Truth will guide me.
I've been dying to make it official, returning to Peru and all and 5 hours after it is official, my mind is racing with all the finalities that will come of this as a result.
Finishing my university career. Wow.
I thought it would never come but now that it is rapidly approaching, it will be hard to let go of. I mean, I have been at school since Fall 2005. I have met so many people. Done so many things, learned so many things, had so many firsts at this school and with people. And now I am doing lasts in these couple months that are left and it is weird looking back on all that has happened, where I am at now.
There are specific things that are hard to let go of: sisterhood, consistency, spiritual atmosphere, chapels, accountability, and I know some of those live on forever but it will forever be different.
There are some people that I will stay in touch with forever, some I may lose contact with from time to time but we will be forever friends, and then there are some that I may never see or talk to again. And I don't know how I feel about that.
I think I feel like some things were left unsaid. Not finished. And I do not intend on finishing it because sometimes others need to take initiative.
Maybe I am just afraid to open a new door and close an old one.
Who knows.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I am SO excited about Peru and have been waiting for this for months. I just have a feeling it is going to alter my life in a HUGE way and that is a bit frightening. I just want to do it all God's way.
I don't want to lose sight.
I don't want to get distracted.
I don't want to become self-centered.
I always want to keep my eyes on Christ and let Him lead me.
No matter where, I will go. No matter what, I will do.
God, I will serve you.
No matter what that means.
Your Truth will guide me.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Revival Pt. 3 & 4: Dr. Rutland
Colossians 2:6-12
-Satan is a defeated foe, in chains, He has no power over us except the power we give him.
-God's grace is sufficient!
-My sin, not in part, but the whole, is nailed on the cross!
-You have to turn the table on the enemy who attacks your soul!
-You gotta learn to stand up to the enemy when he tries to haunt you!
-We are made to sit with God in heavenly places!
-We sit, walk, and run with God!
-Victory is ours!
-We were not born to be slaves to slaves, our Lord and Savior conquered death on the cross!
-It's already done, we just receive it!
1 Corinthians 13
Love Is the Greatest
1 "If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."
John 3:16: For God so loved the world!
-There should be a change in you and your life when you become saved, are healed, restored, delivered, etc.
->Vs. 1-3 of 1 Corinthians 13--Priority of love, need for anointing of ministry
--If there is no love, it is NOTHING!
--If you have all these "experiences" with God but do not love, it is NOTHING!
->Vs. 4-7--Character
--Envy is a powerful force--rejoice in the blessings of others!
--Love never behaves unseemly, cares about others, and thinks of the atmosphere they are in before acting. (Some things are appropriate in one place but not in another, etc.)
--Love doesn't gloat over others sins and failures.
--Ask God to baptize you in love.
->Vs. 8-13--Eternity of Love
--Though things are exciting, they will pass away!
--The one thing that goes with you into eternity is love.
-Satan is a defeated foe, in chains, He has no power over us except the power we give him.
-God's grace is sufficient!
-My sin, not in part, but the whole, is nailed on the cross!
-You have to turn the table on the enemy who attacks your soul!
-You gotta learn to stand up to the enemy when he tries to haunt you!
-We are made to sit with God in heavenly places!
-We sit, walk, and run with God!
-Victory is ours!
-We were not born to be slaves to slaves, our Lord and Savior conquered death on the cross!
-It's already done, we just receive it!
1 Corinthians 13
Love Is the Greatest
1 "If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."
John 3:16: For God so loved the world!
-There should be a change in you and your life when you become saved, are healed, restored, delivered, etc.
->Vs. 1-3 of 1 Corinthians 13--Priority of love, need for anointing of ministry
--If there is no love, it is NOTHING!
--If you have all these "experiences" with God but do not love, it is NOTHING!
->Vs. 4-7--Character
--Envy is a powerful force--rejoice in the blessings of others!
--Love never behaves unseemly, cares about others, and thinks of the atmosphere they are in before acting. (Some things are appropriate in one place but not in another, etc.)
--Love doesn't gloat over others sins and failures.
--Ask God to baptize you in love.
->Vs. 8-13--Eternity of Love
--Though things are exciting, they will pass away!
--The one thing that goes with you into eternity is love.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Revival thoughts
Revival has come and gone and it was truly amazing.
God really moved on our campus through those messages.
The speakers were willing to be used by God and I am eternally grateful because God really did a working on my heart, in my mind, and in my soul. I feel so refreshed. Truly revived, however cliche that may be. I felt like the joy of the Lord was truly coursing through my veins, jumping up and down in worship, truly praising the Lord! I mean I believe that I really most always really give my all in worship but I just felt like it was so different, maybe because I felt truly restored, free, at peace. I don't know but it was a WOW moment.
I went up for prayer on claiming victory over certain things in my life, past and present.
It was a beautiful moment.
Now the real test begins, taking what I learned and truly applying it to my everyday living, not staying the same but transforming more into the image of Christ.
Baptize me with Your love Lord. I need more of Your love.
God really moved on our campus through those messages.
The speakers were willing to be used by God and I am eternally grateful because God really did a working on my heart, in my mind, and in my soul. I feel so refreshed. Truly revived, however cliche that may be. I felt like the joy of the Lord was truly coursing through my veins, jumping up and down in worship, truly praising the Lord! I mean I believe that I really most always really give my all in worship but I just felt like it was so different, maybe because I felt truly restored, free, at peace. I don't know but it was a WOW moment.
I went up for prayer on claiming victory over certain things in my life, past and present.
It was a beautiful moment.
Now the real test begins, taking what I learned and truly applying it to my everyday living, not staying the same but transforming more into the image of Christ.
Baptize me with Your love Lord. I need more of Your love.
Revival: Pt. 2 Ron Luce
-The grace of God is never ending, let Him was you clean--We don't need to live with secrets in our lives.
-God will only go where you give Him opportunity to invade.
-You may be redeemed but still living in the consequences of the sin.
-Once you've exposed all the darkness to the light, you can begin the reconstruction process.
-Repairment doesn't happen quickly.
-The functional quality is more important than the external quality.
-As we become more functional, the external quality changes.
-Learning to truly understand why those hurtful things happened may never come but obeying God even if you don't understand is crucial.
1. Sin Bay-Repentance
--Things you've done against God.
-Titus 2:11-14
-Grace teaches you power to say NO.
-Where you are weak, you do not have to stay weak--Let the weak say I am strong.
-You will not be a slave any longer!
-Romans 12:1-2-Renew your mind, change the way you think.
-There's a big difference between forgiveness and repentance.
-You don't have to stay on a repetitive merry-go-round!
-Repentance is to change your mind, change your direction.
-Christians have lived in slavery forever.
-Let the chains fall, walk in that repentance.
-Refuse to let satan dominate you in that weak area in your life.
-His Word gives you the ability and grace to say NO!
-You're free to do whatever you want but it doesn't make you wise.
-Psalm 1
-We're not supposed to be babies our whole life--press on to maturity.
-Romans 6:17-18
-Just because you do not understand what God is asking, He knows what He is protecting you from.
-If the devil can't take you to hell, he'll make you impotent in this world.
2. Sin Bay-Restitution
--Things we have done against others.
-Restitution brings freedom!
-There are consequences to restitution.
-It is much more virtuous and right to be free and set right with God.
3. Areas of Decay
--Things that happened to you that were no fault of your own.
-How many times should we forgive Lord? -70 x 7!
-Mark 11, Matthew 18
-It's not your fault!
-On a regular basis, forgive, ask forgiveness.
-Ephesians 4:31-32-Get rid of and forgive!
-It's bad enough someone violated you, don't let what they did eat away at you.
-Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it's a choice!
-Revenge doesn't make you feel any better.
-We may not ever know why certain things happened to us but God's grace is sufficient and His restoration is real!
-You choose forgiveness, to not look back to the anger and to let go! (Ex. Use forgiveness scriptures to carry around for when you see or think of the person you have forgiven)
-Sin blinds you and makes you stupid.
-You choose to forgive and let go without waiting for them to ask!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Revival Message: Ron Luce Pt. 1
Restoration
-God's hobby is to restore us, fully and completely.
-Restoration is a process, many different stages.
Psalm 23--He restores my soul
-Our mind, our will, our emotions-He puts us back together.
Isaiah 57, 64
Jeremiah 30:3, 17-18
Nahum 2:2
Matthew 9:30, 12:13
Mark 3:5, 8:25
John 5:6
1 Peter 5:10
Do you want wholeness? Do you really want restoration?
-Everyone needs restoration. We're all in the process of it.
-See the beauty in the ugly.
-You can be saved..but are you whole?
-Is there decay in your life?
-Sometimes words eat at you like cancer.
-It will infect the way you think, wrongfully, because of the decay.
--Process of Restoration--
-First you must START
-->Don't procrastinate
-->Don't let the pain stop you
-->It will only get worse if you put it off
-->Psalm 80
-Take the whole thing apart
-->Clean it, even in areas no one would see
-->Sometimes we're so used to the baggage in our lives that we just leave it.
-->Sometimes we just polish our baggage
-Get rid of-Confess your baggage
-->Sins of ommission-Failed to do it
-->Sins of Commission-Did it
-->Attitudes/Cynicism
-James 5
-Shine light on every dark area in your life
-The cleaning process of restoration is dirty and messy! Jesus is willing to walk through that process with you, just as He did on the cross for our sins!
-What would the world be like if everyone made a promise to expose all of the dark areas in their lives by sunset?
-Make a promise, do it for yourself. Do it for God.
-God's hobby is to restore us, fully and completely.
-Restoration is a process, many different stages.
Psalm 23--He restores my soul
-Our mind, our will, our emotions-He puts us back together.
Isaiah 57, 64
Jeremiah 30:3, 17-18
Nahum 2:2
Matthew 9:30, 12:13
Mark 3:5, 8:25
John 5:6
1 Peter 5:10
Do you want wholeness? Do you really want restoration?
-Everyone needs restoration. We're all in the process of it.
-See the beauty in the ugly.
-You can be saved..but are you whole?
-Is there decay in your life?
-Sometimes words eat at you like cancer.
-It will infect the way you think, wrongfully, because of the decay.
--Process of Restoration--
-First you must START
-->Don't procrastinate
-->Don't let the pain stop you
-->It will only get worse if you put it off
-->Psalm 80
-Take the whole thing apart
-->Clean it, even in areas no one would see
-->Sometimes we're so used to the baggage in our lives that we just leave it.
-->Sometimes we just polish our baggage
-Get rid of-Confess your baggage
-->Sins of ommission-Failed to do it
-->Sins of Commission-Did it
-->Attitudes/Cynicism
-James 5
-Shine light on every dark area in your life
-The cleaning process of restoration is dirty and messy! Jesus is willing to walk through that process with you, just as He did on the cross for our sins!
-What would the world be like if everyone made a promise to expose all of the dark areas in their lives by sunset?
-Make a promise, do it for yourself. Do it for God.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Lie to Me
Life is quite interesting.
The mystery it brings.
Things can be so unexpected sometimes. It is weird having doors of my past thoughts jarred open and exposed, facing things head on. But I will admit that it is quite refreshing to get a fresh perspective and to recognize future possibilities of unnecessary pain and biting it in the bum now before it can even come to that.
I always asked God why.
And even though I knew I would never get an answer, it is interesting to see how it is all unfolding.
I feel like I lost my ability to write last year. And slowly I am retrieving it.
It was like I supressed everything so much so that I could not even communicate clearly or accurately and as that is all behind me, it is coming back into perspective and becoming clear and accurate again. I don't know if that makes sense but it does to me.
Please be praying for my health and my studies. Those two seem to be where I am lacking currently and they are the two most important things right now. So that could be a problem.
The mystery it brings.
Things can be so unexpected sometimes. It is weird having doors of my past thoughts jarred open and exposed, facing things head on. But I will admit that it is quite refreshing to get a fresh perspective and to recognize future possibilities of unnecessary pain and biting it in the bum now before it can even come to that.
I always asked God why.
And even though I knew I would never get an answer, it is interesting to see how it is all unfolding.
I feel like I lost my ability to write last year. And slowly I am retrieving it.
It was like I supressed everything so much so that I could not even communicate clearly or accurately and as that is all behind me, it is coming back into perspective and becoming clear and accurate again. I don't know if that makes sense but it does to me.
Please be praying for my health and my studies. Those two seem to be where I am lacking currently and they are the two most important things right now. So that could be a problem.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I love how God works
"You communicate to other people how to behave in your presence by the way you treat yourself."
"Boundaries are the rules of war and the laws of constraint that are dictated by our virtues."
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Don't be fooled by those who say such things, for 'bad company corrupts good character.' that doesn't mean that we can't have friends who are messed up, but the question we have to ask ourselves is who is influencing whom?"
If we do not demand respect by our character and countenance, we will not get it. People sense how we feel about ourselves and will treat us disrespectfully if we are putting off the vibe that we are not a man or woman of character or value. We must act like a princess if we want to be treated like a princess. If we act like we don't like ourselves, people will see that and will treat us as though we are of no worth or value.
So it is important to know who we are in the Lord and to walk that out in our speech and actions.
"Boundaries are the rules of war and the laws of constraint that are dictated by our virtues."
1 Corinthians 15:33 "Don't be fooled by those who say such things, for 'bad company corrupts good character.' that doesn't mean that we can't have friends who are messed up, but the question we have to ask ourselves is who is influencing whom?"
If we do not demand respect by our character and countenance, we will not get it. People sense how we feel about ourselves and will treat us disrespectfully if we are putting off the vibe that we are not a man or woman of character or value. We must act like a princess if we want to be treated like a princess. If we act like we don't like ourselves, people will see that and will treat us as though we are of no worth or value.
So it is important to know who we are in the Lord and to walk that out in our speech and actions.
Fall break is over!
Fall break is officially over so I need to get back to business.
Minnesota was amazing. The warmest weather it has ever been.
I had an amazing time with Nicole and her family.
They bless my life tremendously. I love being in their home.
Now I am back at home/school and have major senioritis.
No bueno.
I need to make an appointment to speak with the people about consolidating my loans and loan payments and all that jazz. Please pray with me that we can somehow, someway do the impossible and get my loan payments down low. Only God can perform that miracle, ha ha.
Lots to do, so little time to do it, and yet I procrastinate. No bueno.
The reality is that I do not have enough money to travel the world doing missions, or to spend a year or two in Peru without a paying job. That's the reality. But I am glad that God does not always make us live based on the reality. He is bigger than all things and provides for whatever He wants us to do, wherever He wants us to go and I will stand on His Word and His truth and hope that He will send me. It does not mean He does not love me or hear my cry if He does not send me to Peru for a year. It just means that it is not my time to be there for a year.
He is faithful no matter what happens.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
My beloved Peruvians
I finally talked to them.
And I almost teared up when all the audio stuff was not working.
We started doing webcam but only they could see me.
Then Kevin came and tried to fix it. But since it was not working, he brought Yhonson and Gerson into his room and let them talk to me on Skype while Betty tried talking to me on Maribel's msn.
I showed them my room and my house and outside of my house. But the boys only wanted talk in spanish so Kevin was translating.
But Yhonson said "Hola Ratita" and it made me smile from ear to ear!
And Betty told me "que es mi amiga mejor ratita"
So after the boys went to eat, Betty and I did webcam, we just had to type instead of talk. Only for a few minutes and then BETZABE was on the screen and I was like awww! And Gerson and Yhonson were with her. And I showed them my nieces and nephew and they saw my necklace and Yhonson asked me if "mi novio" gave it to me! I said I do not have a boyfriend! ha ha! And Maribel said that Yhonson had a girlfriend and he was like noooooooooooo!
And then she said, well he is in love with a girl, that is why he does not study! And I laughed of course and he was like nooooooooo! And I was like, Yhonson, you do not need to have a girl friend and you need to do your school work, ha ha!
They were sending me all those silly winks on msn messenger and I was laughing hysterically.
And I was sending them too. They have cool different one's that are in spanish.
But then their webcam stopped and they had to go back to their house so Maribel and I chatted for a few. They have a new girl named Carol and she is 14 years old.
And she said that God's really blessing them at the orphanage. And that they are praying for more help with the houses and for the kids to be able to go to a summer camp. And she asked us to help pray too. And to pray about presents for the kids at christmas time. A nurse volunteer is going to be there next week.
And she told me that I have really helped a lot, especially with the older kids and that touched my heart! And just so you know, Yhonson asked about both you Emily and Aimee.
If it would have been better with audio and all, I am sure others would have said hello but it just was not the best. Much more difficult typing the whole time.
Anyway, we are supposed to try again on Saturday when the audio is fixed.
I knew you'd want to hear about my chat!
And I almost teared up when all the audio stuff was not working.
We started doing webcam but only they could see me.
Then Kevin came and tried to fix it. But since it was not working, he brought Yhonson and Gerson into his room and let them talk to me on Skype while Betty tried talking to me on Maribel's msn.
I showed them my room and my house and outside of my house. But the boys only wanted talk in spanish so Kevin was translating.
But Yhonson said "Hola Ratita" and it made me smile from ear to ear!
And Betty told me "que es mi amiga mejor ratita"
So after the boys went to eat, Betty and I did webcam, we just had to type instead of talk. Only for a few minutes and then BETZABE was on the screen and I was like awww! And Gerson and Yhonson were with her. And I showed them my nieces and nephew and they saw my necklace and Yhonson asked me if "mi novio" gave it to me! I said I do not have a boyfriend! ha ha! And Maribel said that Yhonson had a girlfriend and he was like noooooooooooo!
And then she said, well he is in love with a girl, that is why he does not study! And I laughed of course and he was like nooooooooo! And I was like, Yhonson, you do not need to have a girl friend and you need to do your school work, ha ha!
They were sending me all those silly winks on msn messenger and I was laughing hysterically.
And I was sending them too. They have cool different one's that are in spanish.
But then their webcam stopped and they had to go back to their house so Maribel and I chatted for a few. They have a new girl named Carol and she is 14 years old.
And she said that God's really blessing them at the orphanage. And that they are praying for more help with the houses and for the kids to be able to go to a summer camp. And she asked us to help pray too. And to pray about presents for the kids at christmas time. A nurse volunteer is going to be there next week.
And she told me that I have really helped a lot, especially with the older kids and that touched my heart! And just so you know, Yhonson asked about both you Emily and Aimee.
If it would have been better with audio and all, I am sure others would have said hello but it just was not the best. Much more difficult typing the whole time.
Anyway, we are supposed to try again on Saturday when the audio is fixed.
I knew you'd want to hear about my chat!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Today
Senior paper is a 40 page paper with 45 sources and the class is called Senior Paper. So the whole grade is based off of the paper. No bueno. It is due in about 5 weeks and I have gotten nowhere. I know I can do it but I am having a hard time getting the inspiration I need to write it. Please pray for me, ha ha.
Minnesota is great.
The dream I had brought about so much thought provoking and really looking into myself.
I have so much admiration and respect for Nicole and her family. I mean they are not perfect by any means, because no one is. But their family is so devoted to the Lord. They each have their own unique personalities that brings in their own dynamics and I just love being able to be a part of the family for a week once a year. It gives me the opportunity to see where they have grown in one years time.
Minnesota is great.
The dream I had brought about so much thought provoking and really looking into myself.
I have so much admiration and respect for Nicole and her family. I mean they are not perfect by any means, because no one is. But their family is so devoted to the Lord. They each have their own unique personalities that brings in their own dynamics and I just love being able to be a part of the family for a week once a year. It gives me the opportunity to see where they have grown in one years time.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Fall Break!
It is finally here.
After my class tomorrow I am off to Minnesota to visit one of my best and dearest friends!
It will be crisp and cold. But I don't care. As long as I am with my friends, whom I call my family, because they are a part of my family! It is going to be a great week.
I must work on my senior paper while there. boo.
I went to the doctor today. I had some problems. I have a bug from Peru. So I am on antibiotics and that is supposed to kick it. If it does not, then we have more serious problems. So we're believing for the bug, ha ha. I also got information on the other stuff I need to take care of before the end of the semester, health-wise. So that was good.
My niece, who is 3, fractured the bone above her elbow tonight. Poor thing.
My car is sitting in a parking lot and probably won't be used again for driving in.
I have to be up at 7 a.m. to go to school and I am just getting home from work, at midnight.
Oh the joys of life.
I pray blessings upon you =]
After my class tomorrow I am off to Minnesota to visit one of my best and dearest friends!
It will be crisp and cold. But I don't care. As long as I am with my friends, whom I call my family, because they are a part of my family! It is going to be a great week.
I must work on my senior paper while there. boo.
I went to the doctor today. I had some problems. I have a bug from Peru. So I am on antibiotics and that is supposed to kick it. If it does not, then we have more serious problems. So we're believing for the bug, ha ha. I also got information on the other stuff I need to take care of before the end of the semester, health-wise. So that was good.
My niece, who is 3, fractured the bone above her elbow tonight. Poor thing.
My car is sitting in a parking lot and probably won't be used again for driving in.
I have to be up at 7 a.m. to go to school and I am just getting home from work, at midnight.
Oh the joys of life.
I pray blessings upon you =]
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Confessions
I went to sleep at 11 and woke up at 7 a.m. and I felt like I was in Peru again :)
I have been so distracted by thoughts of my future, present, and past, it is ridiculous.
Not necessarily bad thoughts, just thoughts that are overwhelming my present life since I have so much to do and yet I am not taking care of getting those things done to the best of my ability because I am so distracted by thoughts. No bueno.
Fall Break is on Friday and I am beyond excited. I did not get to go to Minnesota last fall break on account of me being ridiculously sick! So I am super pumped about my trip this year because I will get to spend time with Nicole and her family one last time before I graduate. Traditions.
I am having more health problems these days. And I probably should be concerned and I think internally I am freaking out, but on the outside, I put a smile on my face and ignore the signals that are telling me I should probably go to the doctor. I just hate finding out what the results are. I don't like being sick. Especially when it could be serious things. I think some of it may be health stuff from returning from being out of the country. I need to figure out what places I can go to without insurance so that I can get these things taken care of, slay these dragons once and for all. Amen.
I've always wondered why I am so calm in the midst of pain, worry, concern, fear. But I guess it is because of the peace that surpasses all understanding that the Holy Spirit gives me.
I really don't have much to say.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb
Some days I want so desperately to defend my honor, to justify myself, to protect my reputation. It is like a fire burning within myself. But I know it is not necessary so I withhold the urge to give in when I see specific people who think they know the truth but are living under an assumption.
Some days I want answers so desperately to why people do certain things that can hurt a person so much, tearing their heart apart and bringing so much change into their lives. But then I remember that it is not necessary for now. If a person wants to honestly share why they did what they did or what they were thinking at the time, then they can do that but I do not need to seek anyone out and try to get answers. Because I am a whole person nonetheless.
What has happened throughout my life may have helped to define my character today but it does not define who I am. I choose to let things affect me the way that I do and I can choose to learn from my past and not let my past define my existence.
I am a whole person in Christ Jesus and as much as I want answers sometimes, I am complete nonetheless. God is my strong tower, my rock of salvation. And nothing can change that.
Some days I want answers so desperately to why people do certain things that can hurt a person so much, tearing their heart apart and bringing so much change into their lives. But then I remember that it is not necessary for now. If a person wants to honestly share why they did what they did or what they were thinking at the time, then they can do that but I do not need to seek anyone out and try to get answers. Because I am a whole person nonetheless.
What has happened throughout my life may have helped to define my character today but it does not define who I am. I choose to let things affect me the way that I do and I can choose to learn from my past and not let my past define my existence.
I am a whole person in Christ Jesus and as much as I want answers sometimes, I am complete nonetheless. God is my strong tower, my rock of salvation. And nothing can change that.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I miss...
I miss the constant wind because for once it felt like a touch of God.
And not a blistering cold wind.
I miss the children the most.
I miss how their faces light up when they see you. And the way they say your name. And how they attempt to talk to you, even with the language barrier. I miss the twinkling in their eyes as they soak up the love and attention you give them. I miss seeing them sing worship songs in church. I miss how they laugh. I miss the basketball, ha ha. I miss the hugs and how they intertwine their fingers into yours when walking, sitting, watching movies. But most of all I miss their hearts. They each individually have their own personalities. They each have something to offer to the world. And they each deserve to know how loved, important, and valuable they are.
I miss the relationships.
I met such amazing people while in Peru. People who have encouraged me in my faith and helped me to follow the path of the Lord. I miss them.
I miss the adventure.
All of life is an adventure really. It just depends how you look at it. But I Miss the Peruvian Adventure because I feel like it is where I should be. But in God's timing, right?
I miss a lot of things about Peru.
And not a blistering cold wind.
I miss the children the most.
I miss how their faces light up when they see you. And the way they say your name. And how they attempt to talk to you, even with the language barrier. I miss the twinkling in their eyes as they soak up the love and attention you give them. I miss seeing them sing worship songs in church. I miss how they laugh. I miss the basketball, ha ha. I miss the hugs and how they intertwine their fingers into yours when walking, sitting, watching movies. But most of all I miss their hearts. They each individually have their own personalities. They each have something to offer to the world. And they each deserve to know how loved, important, and valuable they are.
I miss the relationships.
I met such amazing people while in Peru. People who have encouraged me in my faith and helped me to follow the path of the Lord. I miss them.
I miss the adventure.
All of life is an adventure really. It just depends how you look at it. But I Miss the Peruvian Adventure because I feel like it is where I should be. But in God's timing, right?
I miss a lot of things about Peru.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Take Two
And yet two days for the second book.
Man am I taking in all that they have to offer.
This book gave me a reassurance.
A reminder that in my mistakes, I chose to get up, with the help of God and others and follow after the things of God. I did not choose to give in and live a life of sin. I realized I am nothing without Christ and that to live for Christ is the only way. A life of the world was not enough for me. I chose Christ.
God's strength in me was stronger than I realized. His love for me was more than I understood. He loved me so much that in the midst of my mistakes, He brought conviction enveloped with love, forgivenness, redemption, peace, healing, and friends to keep me accountable.
I am eternally grateful for all that God has done for me.
I would not be here today, where I am at right now in my life, if it were not for Him.
And although things may not be perfect, I do know that I choose God.
And He chose me a long time ago.
I am forever His daughter, His princess.
And I choose to embrace that.
He is faithful no matter the outcome. He will provide for my future, wherever He sends me. He will open and close the appropriate doors. And I am willing to go where He sends me.
And the deep longing to find a man someday I know will happen in His perfect timing, as I am learning to be dependent on God alone and no one else. He is giving me an opportunity to be lost in Him before He blesses me with someone else. And I can wait for that.
Right now and always my focus will be and should be to love and serve Him, bringing glory to His Kingdom alone.
I choose the narrow path.
Man am I taking in all that they have to offer.
This book gave me a reassurance.
A reminder that in my mistakes, I chose to get up, with the help of God and others and follow after the things of God. I did not choose to give in and live a life of sin. I realized I am nothing without Christ and that to live for Christ is the only way. A life of the world was not enough for me. I chose Christ.
God's strength in me was stronger than I realized. His love for me was more than I understood. He loved me so much that in the midst of my mistakes, He brought conviction enveloped with love, forgivenness, redemption, peace, healing, and friends to keep me accountable.
I am eternally grateful for all that God has done for me.
I would not be here today, where I am at right now in my life, if it were not for Him.
And although things may not be perfect, I do know that I choose God.
And He chose me a long time ago.
I am forever His daughter, His princess.
And I choose to embrace that.
He is faithful no matter the outcome. He will provide for my future, wherever He sends me. He will open and close the appropriate doors. And I am willing to go where He sends me.
And the deep longing to find a man someday I know will happen in His perfect timing, as I am learning to be dependent on God alone and no one else. He is giving me an opportunity to be lost in Him before He blesses me with someone else. And I can wait for that.
Right now and always my focus will be and should be to love and serve Him, bringing glory to His Kingdom alone.
I choose the narrow path.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Take One
I have been so restless over Peru.
I want so desperately to return but have had no idea of how that was going to happen.
I started reading Above the Line Series: Take One by Karen Kingsbury yesterday and finished it today. It's THAT good. I love reading what she writes because God speaks to my heart and soul through her. And I absolutely love that.
As much as I escape to another world when reading, her books always bring a conviction to my heart, a reminder of something I needed to hear, a truth that I had forgotten, an encouragement where doubt had taken its toll, a support when I felt I had none, etc.
In this book I felt like I was reading a script of situations in my own life this past year. I was like, how did you get into my deepest thoughts. It was like looking into a mirror and all the hidden shame was revealed, all the secrets within were exposed. And it was me and God.
It's hard to face yourself.
And on the other part of the book, it was about two Christian producers, trying to make an impact on the hollywood scene. Trying to bring change and they do not have enough funding to finish the movie. The whole time they are struggling to have faith in God to provide and are being constantly reminded of God's faithfulness.
Prayer, obedience, devotion to God, He shows up. No matter what the end result.
He is a faithful God.
That is why I know that if God is calling me to Peru directly after I graduate, He will make it happen, even if it is the last minute. And if it is not His will for me to be in Peru after I graduate for 1-2 years or something, then it will not happen. And I have to be okay with His will for my life.
But I have fully told Him that I am willing to go. I am just me, faults and all, but I am a willing servant. I want to go where His light is seen dim, His voice is heard small, even to the uttermost bounds of the earth! So He will send me wherever that may be, and I will go. He has already called me.
I fully believe in Christ and I fully trust in His will for my life after college.
No matter how scary it looks, no matter what doubts arise, I know He will provide.
I want so desperately to return but have had no idea of how that was going to happen.
I started reading Above the Line Series: Take One by Karen Kingsbury yesterday and finished it today. It's THAT good. I love reading what she writes because God speaks to my heart and soul through her. And I absolutely love that.
As much as I escape to another world when reading, her books always bring a conviction to my heart, a reminder of something I needed to hear, a truth that I had forgotten, an encouragement where doubt had taken its toll, a support when I felt I had none, etc.
In this book I felt like I was reading a script of situations in my own life this past year. I was like, how did you get into my deepest thoughts. It was like looking into a mirror and all the hidden shame was revealed, all the secrets within were exposed. And it was me and God.
It's hard to face yourself.
And on the other part of the book, it was about two Christian producers, trying to make an impact on the hollywood scene. Trying to bring change and they do not have enough funding to finish the movie. The whole time they are struggling to have faith in God to provide and are being constantly reminded of God's faithfulness.
Prayer, obedience, devotion to God, He shows up. No matter what the end result.
He is a faithful God.
That is why I know that if God is calling me to Peru directly after I graduate, He will make it happen, even if it is the last minute. And if it is not His will for me to be in Peru after I graduate for 1-2 years or something, then it will not happen. And I have to be okay with His will for my life.
But I have fully told Him that I am willing to go. I am just me, faults and all, but I am a willing servant. I want to go where His light is seen dim, His voice is heard small, even to the uttermost bounds of the earth! So He will send me wherever that may be, and I will go. He has already called me.
I fully believe in Christ and I fully trust in His will for my life after college.
No matter how scary it looks, no matter what doubts arise, I know He will provide.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Quotes
"When I thought of devoting myself entirely to God...it was I that wished to do it, and I that wished not to do it. It was I. And since I neither completely wished, nor completely refused, I fought against myself and tore myself to pieces." -St. Augustine of Hippo, circa 400 AD
"You called, shouted,
and burst my deafness.
You flashed, shone,
and scattered my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me.
I drew in my breath
and craved Your aroma.
I have tasted You,
now I hunger and thirst for more.
You touched me,
and I burned for Your peace."
-St. Augustine, The Confessions 298-400 AD
"You called, shouted,
and burst my deafness.
You flashed, shone,
and scattered my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me.
I drew in my breath
and craved Your aroma.
I have tasted You,
now I hunger and thirst for more.
You touched me,
and I burned for Your peace."
-St. Augustine, The Confessions 298-400 AD
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Everyday I am more and more concerned about my body.
And with the concern comes anger.
And I am forced to decide to think on that anger or dismiss it.
I don't like sharing my fears or concerns with people in my family because I do not want them to worry. I don't know if it is all in my head or if it is really as serious as I feel like it is on some days.
I could really use some prayer on peace and direction.
And with the concern comes anger.
And I am forced to decide to think on that anger or dismiss it.
I don't like sharing my fears or concerns with people in my family because I do not want them to worry. I don't know if it is all in my head or if it is really as serious as I feel like it is on some days.
I could really use some prayer on peace and direction.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I trust in You Lord!
Life can be complicated but God is good.
I feel like I have this nagging thing hanging there, waiting to get me.
Like, I am constantly wondering if I have cancer, in the back of my mind. Because honestly, I could have it. And I would never blame God if I got it. But I also believe that I cannot expect God to not allow for it to happen to me. I believe in God's healing and His touch and His protection, but I have also seen many men and women of God die unexplainable deaths.
And I am by no means saying that I am dying because that is just ridiculous! I know I am not! God has so much more for me that has not yet been accomplished and that is what holds me on somedays when I am worried.
Because no matter if I ever do get cancer because of what I have, it will just be another bump in the road, another thing in life that will try and get me down but I must press on, be strong, even when I want to crumble sometimes! Because God is my strength and He would never abandon me.
I do not have health insurance these days and it concerns me. I need to get it before I go to Peru again so that I can get tests done again to make sure I do not have cancer. Because if I do, I should take care of it here and before it progresses. I do not want to speak anything into existence, I am just trying to think realistically. I know God is bigger than all things and I trust Him in that! I just know that I have told Him that I will live for Him no matter what comes my way, no matter what I have to go through.
"God, You are my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3). I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty, are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Psalm 46:10-11)."
I found out tonight that my grandma (on my mothers side), who has had Alzheimers for several years now, had a massive stroke. They do not think that she is going to make it very long. She has lived a long life and been an amazing grandma! It is going to be very hard on my mom and her siblings, as well as us grandkids! She was a very big part of our lives! And even though we have not been as close these last years because of her illness, she is still my grandmother and I have amazing memories of being at her house my entire childhood!
I've been pretty stressed these days, with Senior Paper, feeling the burden and need to learn spanish fluently but feeling like I don't have the time or resources to do it. Feeling the burden of finances and the need to spend time with family and friends before I leave again.
"Lord, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26)."
I feel like I have this nagging thing hanging there, waiting to get me.
Like, I am constantly wondering if I have cancer, in the back of my mind. Because honestly, I could have it. And I would never blame God if I got it. But I also believe that I cannot expect God to not allow for it to happen to me. I believe in God's healing and His touch and His protection, but I have also seen many men and women of God die unexplainable deaths.
And I am by no means saying that I am dying because that is just ridiculous! I know I am not! God has so much more for me that has not yet been accomplished and that is what holds me on somedays when I am worried.
Because no matter if I ever do get cancer because of what I have, it will just be another bump in the road, another thing in life that will try and get me down but I must press on, be strong, even when I want to crumble sometimes! Because God is my strength and He would never abandon me.
I do not have health insurance these days and it concerns me. I need to get it before I go to Peru again so that I can get tests done again to make sure I do not have cancer. Because if I do, I should take care of it here and before it progresses. I do not want to speak anything into existence, I am just trying to think realistically. I know God is bigger than all things and I trust Him in that! I just know that I have told Him that I will live for Him no matter what comes my way, no matter what I have to go through.
"God, You are my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3). I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty, are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Psalm 46:10-11)."
I found out tonight that my grandma (on my mothers side), who has had Alzheimers for several years now, had a massive stroke. They do not think that she is going to make it very long. She has lived a long life and been an amazing grandma! It is going to be very hard on my mom and her siblings, as well as us grandkids! She was a very big part of our lives! And even though we have not been as close these last years because of her illness, she is still my grandmother and I have amazing memories of being at her house my entire childhood!
I've been pretty stressed these days, with Senior Paper, feeling the burden and need to learn spanish fluently but feeling like I don't have the time or resources to do it. Feeling the burden of finances and the need to spend time with family and friends before I leave again.
"Lord, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26)."
Monday, September 14, 2009
Truth
I want to share an excerpt from The Bravehearted Gospel by Eric Ludy.
"Yet the biblical worldview is one of replacement.
We are taken out of darkness and into light, out of death into life, from the mind of the world to the mind of Christ, from the image of Adam to the image of Jesus--it is always a transition out of one thing and into another. It is never an addition of one thing to another. The Bible is all about purity of ingredients, not mixture of ingredients...
The biblical worldview is one of displacement.
There is absolutely no precedent for "mixture" in the Christian life--only the displacement of one thing by the arrival of another. Light arrives, darkness flees; truth arrives, lies evaporate; life arrives, death goes bye-bye.
The biblical worldview isn't springy. Both replacement and displacement require one option to be chosen as the correct option, and this requires a judgment to be made--which would, of course, mean that the other options are wrong. The round-earth theory is accepted and the flat-earth theory rejected. Truth is embraced, and lies are refuted. Light is chosen, and darkness is expelled. The truth that grabbed hold of Tony on Tuesday yearns to violently put to death the cancerous error that had begun to infect his mind on Monday, so that on Wednesday Tony can move forward and chart a clear course to the New World.
"Come on, Eric!" I can hear someone say. "So what! At least this Tony guy found the truth!"
Yes, Tony may have heard the truth on Tuesday and appraised it as correct, but as long as the error from Monday still remains lodged inside his soul come Wednesday, it will fight against the truth, canceling out its effects for the remainder of that week and every week that follows. It's like a brain with a tumpr lodged in its frontal lobe: Sure it's still a functioning brain for the time being, but the tumor will eventually cause it to cease to function. If the tumor isn't removed, then it will ultimately make the brain completely inoperative. And in the same way, if the truth does not displace the lie, then the lie will displace the truth. These elements are at war one with the other, and it is imperative that exclusive acceptance be shown toward one and intolerance to the other.
We must decide. We must choose."
"Yet the biblical worldview is one of replacement.
We are taken out of darkness and into light, out of death into life, from the mind of the world to the mind of Christ, from the image of Adam to the image of Jesus--it is always a transition out of one thing and into another. It is never an addition of one thing to another. The Bible is all about purity of ingredients, not mixture of ingredients...
The biblical worldview is one of displacement.
There is absolutely no precedent for "mixture" in the Christian life--only the displacement of one thing by the arrival of another. Light arrives, darkness flees; truth arrives, lies evaporate; life arrives, death goes bye-bye.
The biblical worldview isn't springy. Both replacement and displacement require one option to be chosen as the correct option, and this requires a judgment to be made--which would, of course, mean that the other options are wrong. The round-earth theory is accepted and the flat-earth theory rejected. Truth is embraced, and lies are refuted. Light is chosen, and darkness is expelled. The truth that grabbed hold of Tony on Tuesday yearns to violently put to death the cancerous error that had begun to infect his mind on Monday, so that on Wednesday Tony can move forward and chart a clear course to the New World.
"Come on, Eric!" I can hear someone say. "So what! At least this Tony guy found the truth!"
Yes, Tony may have heard the truth on Tuesday and appraised it as correct, but as long as the error from Monday still remains lodged inside his soul come Wednesday, it will fight against the truth, canceling out its effects for the remainder of that week and every week that follows. It's like a brain with a tumpr lodged in its frontal lobe: Sure it's still a functioning brain for the time being, but the tumor will eventually cause it to cease to function. If the tumor isn't removed, then it will ultimately make the brain completely inoperative. And in the same way, if the truth does not displace the lie, then the lie will displace the truth. These elements are at war one with the other, and it is imperative that exclusive acceptance be shown toward one and intolerance to the other.
We must decide. We must choose."
Friday chapel
I have been fighting repetitious thoughts that have been haunting me from my past.
It has been a silent battle that I have tried to overcome on my own strength but to no avail.Friday in chapel we had a different speaker than our usual Dr. Rutland (he was in New York City for the 9/11 tribute, he was asked to take part in it)! So a pastor of a church across the street, spoke. I always love hearing what he has to say, they are always good solid messages. But in my head, I was like, this will be a good message, but nothing to make me cry over or anything.
And so he was preaching on being moved with compassion for people, no matter what! And anytime anyone speaks on compassion or love towards everyone, I am always brought back to those who have hurt me in the deepest ways and how I should be loving them regardless. But I have never known how to show that love from afar, always thinking that I should let them back into my life when that is not necessarily always the case.
So anyways. He spoke on Matthew 14, 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, and Romans 15:18-19
He talked about how something happens to us when we let God's love flow through us and how God has not only given us love, but power. And how we witness Jesus' healing and deliverance in scripture. And how the Gospel was presented to be demonstrated. And how the Word of God is power.
Basically he started speaking about healing and how we are to bring healing through Christ, just as Christ did when he roamed the earth. And he talked about how in order for us to bring healing, we must first be healed spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. And he started listing off more specific things that people needed to be healed from and he said that there are people who are replaying things from the past in their minds, repetitious thoughts that need to stop and how they were going to be delivered from that. And I just knew he was talking to me.
I stood up when he asked those of us who needed to be prayed for and people came around and were praying and I was like, this is not one of those crying moments. I just didn't feel it. People were praying but when he started praying I just started balling my eyes out. And it was such a cleansing cry. A needed cry. And I haven't been plagued by those thoughts since then!
Amen and Amen, right? God is so good.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Chapel days =]
Chapel was great today, as always!
He spoke from John 13:1-17 about Jesus washing his disciples feet.
And how servant-leadership does not give away authority but validates it! And then he read from Philippians 2:5-8, some good scripture right there!
He talked about how we need to make decisions not based on popularity but on sacrificial decisions based on the best of others!
It was chapel on ORU Outreach, which is awesome, and he was talking about how practical touch to humanity is what makes a difference. Like Mother Theresa and how she will forever be remembered, not because she was beautiful or had all the money in the world but she touched humanity on a practical level.
He told a story about a little boy who was in his room at night and he was scared and his dad went in to check on him and he told his dad he was scared. And his dad said he didn't need to be scared because Jesus was with him. And he said, I know Jesus is with me dad but I just need someone who has a skin-face with me.
And Dr. Rutland was just saying how we are to be Jesus to people because a lot of people know that Jesus is there but they need the practical touch of another person. And we are to be that.
Service gives us the opportunity to put actual feet in what we say we believe.
We are to live lives of significance and in our service to Christ, we will find happiness.
He spoke from John 13:1-17 about Jesus washing his disciples feet.
And how servant-leadership does not give away authority but validates it! And then he read from Philippians 2:5-8, some good scripture right there!
He talked about how we need to make decisions not based on popularity but on sacrificial decisions based on the best of others!
It was chapel on ORU Outreach, which is awesome, and he was talking about how practical touch to humanity is what makes a difference. Like Mother Theresa and how she will forever be remembered, not because she was beautiful or had all the money in the world but she touched humanity on a practical level.
He told a story about a little boy who was in his room at night and he was scared and his dad went in to check on him and he told his dad he was scared. And his dad said he didn't need to be scared because Jesus was with him. And he said, I know Jesus is with me dad but I just need someone who has a skin-face with me.
And Dr. Rutland was just saying how we are to be Jesus to people because a lot of people know that Jesus is there but they need the practical touch of another person. And we are to be that.
Service gives us the opportunity to put actual feet in what we say we believe.
We are to live lives of significance and in our service to Christ, we will find happiness.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Job-- Check
Lots and lots and lots of hours this weekend! Actually, from Thursday to Sunday I worked at least 30 hours! Crazyyyyy! But I needed the money so I went with it! You know?
Lots of sitting at parking and clicking a button, watching volleyball games, clicking a button on a handicap door, watching a soccer game and setting up in the scorching heat and taking down in the still scorching heat! ha ha!
And then sleep. And more sleep.
Sunday and Monday were both great labor day weekend days!
Sunday after work I went to On the Border with Tiff and Lauren and then we went to see a baseball game for two hours. We left because we began to play I Spy and we figured that was a good sign that we were bored, ha ha!
And then Tiff, Maria, Kaycie, and I went and hungout with some friends, watched Backwoods (don't ever watch that movie), played Spoons (good times of Peru), and watched most of Deep Blue Sea or something before deciding we should go to bed at 3:30 in the morning, ha ha!
We woke up at 9:30 and made french toast and pancakes!
Then all the athletes played soccer tennis. Have you heard of that before? They literally play soccer, but set up the same way as a tennis game and they use their legs as the rackets! Very interesting, I'm not gonna lie. I watched. I only play basketball, ha ha!
Then they played some Rock Band while I read Calvin & Hobbes and was laughing hysterically!
Then we ate some authentic mexican enchiladas and it was absolutely amazing!
Afterwards I went and hungout with my friend Marissa and we ran errands, talked, and watched NCIS! I missed that show!
It was a good Labor Day weekend. Just thought it was worthy of sharing, ha ha ha!
Now I must devote myself to senior paper, spanish learning, work, and letting God lead me accordingly for my after college experience!
In Him I trust all things.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Peace of God
Chapel today was AMAZING! I cried like 3 times probably. Maybe more! And it is not that I am just an emotional girl. It is the move of God in my heart! God has given me a compassion for the hurting, lost, broken people and things in the world and it just moves me to tears when I hear anything of it.
Dr. Rutland was speaking about the peace of God that comes from the Holy Spirit in difficult times.
I have a few stories to share.
He said that there was a woman at his old church he pastored at that had two children. One night she called him and asked him to come to the hospital because her oldest son had been in a very bad motorcylce accident. So he went to the hospital and was ready to go upstairs to see her son when she said she needed to talk to him first. She said, pastor, I think I realized tonight that I do not love my son. And Dr. Rutland said, how could you say that? I have not seen someone with more sacrificial love than you. And she said, but pastor, how could I love my son when I cannot find a bit of worry inside of me about this situation.
Dr. Rutland then discussed how she had the peace of God within her. The Holy Spirit brings peace and comfort in times of trouble. We are to be people who are not fearful or worrisome! Wholeness in the midst of tragedy is the presence of peace.
He also talked about how nothing can separate us from the love of God and how that should cast out any fear that we have.
He told a story of this older lady who had been married for 63 years when her husband died. And how before she was married, she lived with her family. She told him that there was never a day that she slept in her bed without her husband. She said the night that all her family had left after the funeral, she was left alone at home and she was afraid for the first time.
There was a storm that night and it kept her awake into the night because of all the noises it scared her. She finally fell asleep after crying out to God and saying how she did not understand why God could leave her alone after all these years.
She was awakened to a loud shriek of lightning and she looked at the rocking chair by her bed and someone was sitting in it when she heard, my daughter, I am here. And in that moment she felt like a little kid again when she would sit on her daddy's lap.
"The intimacy of His presence is greater than the promise of His answer!" Read that again and really think about that.
The story that really made me cry, besides the one's I share above was the story of a pastor that was in Africa when he was taken prisoner by a group of soldiers. For 150 days the soldiers told him to renounce God and they would let him free and they would not kill any of his congregation.
They told him that if he did not renounce God, then they would kill a member of his congregation everyday in front of his eyes.
The pastor told Dr. Rutland that some of his congregation would plead for their lives, they would beg him to renounce God. And some of his congregation would tell the pastor to not renounce his faith, they were ready to die for the Lord. He clung to the bars of that prison cell and cried day after day as he watched his congregation being killed in front of his eyes, even a baby. And Dr. Rutland said, I don't think I could have that kind of grace to do what he did. But he said that the pastor told him that you don't have that kind of grace until you are in that moment and it is happening to you. And then you see and feel the grace, you feel the presence of the Lord, the peace and comfort that He brings.
Man oh man, some powerful stuff.
"The intimacy of His presence is greater than the promise of His answer!" Knowing that God is there, in all things, is greater than knowing the answer or the solution to all things that we are in or going through!
Nothing can separate us from the love of God!
Dr. Rutland was speaking about the peace of God that comes from the Holy Spirit in difficult times.
I have a few stories to share.
He said that there was a woman at his old church he pastored at that had two children. One night she called him and asked him to come to the hospital because her oldest son had been in a very bad motorcylce accident. So he went to the hospital and was ready to go upstairs to see her son when she said she needed to talk to him first. She said, pastor, I think I realized tonight that I do not love my son. And Dr. Rutland said, how could you say that? I have not seen someone with more sacrificial love than you. And she said, but pastor, how could I love my son when I cannot find a bit of worry inside of me about this situation.
Dr. Rutland then discussed how she had the peace of God within her. The Holy Spirit brings peace and comfort in times of trouble. We are to be people who are not fearful or worrisome! Wholeness in the midst of tragedy is the presence of peace.
He also talked about how nothing can separate us from the love of God and how that should cast out any fear that we have.
He told a story of this older lady who had been married for 63 years when her husband died. And how before she was married, she lived with her family. She told him that there was never a day that she slept in her bed without her husband. She said the night that all her family had left after the funeral, she was left alone at home and she was afraid for the first time.
There was a storm that night and it kept her awake into the night because of all the noises it scared her. She finally fell asleep after crying out to God and saying how she did not understand why God could leave her alone after all these years.
She was awakened to a loud shriek of lightning and she looked at the rocking chair by her bed and someone was sitting in it when she heard, my daughter, I am here. And in that moment she felt like a little kid again when she would sit on her daddy's lap.
"The intimacy of His presence is greater than the promise of His answer!" Read that again and really think about that.
The story that really made me cry, besides the one's I share above was the story of a pastor that was in Africa when he was taken prisoner by a group of soldiers. For 150 days the soldiers told him to renounce God and they would let him free and they would not kill any of his congregation.
They told him that if he did not renounce God, then they would kill a member of his congregation everyday in front of his eyes.
The pastor told Dr. Rutland that some of his congregation would plead for their lives, they would beg him to renounce God. And some of his congregation would tell the pastor to not renounce his faith, they were ready to die for the Lord. He clung to the bars of that prison cell and cried day after day as he watched his congregation being killed in front of his eyes, even a baby. And Dr. Rutland said, I don't think I could have that kind of grace to do what he did. But he said that the pastor told him that you don't have that kind of grace until you are in that moment and it is happening to you. And then you see and feel the grace, you feel the presence of the Lord, the peace and comfort that He brings.
Man oh man, some powerful stuff.
"The intimacy of His presence is greater than the promise of His answer!" Knowing that God is there, in all things, is greater than knowing the answer or the solution to all things that we are in or going through!
Nothing can separate us from the love of God!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Praise God!
I got a job! It is my old job but it pays a whole dollar better! Thank God for that! And I will be working pretty good hours! And with babysitting every now and again, it should be a good amount for now. I need to see what my hours will look like so I can decide on whether or not I should squeeze in another job! Yikes! But I need to do my part in bringing in the money!
God will do the rest! God will do it all really. He's the one that provided the job.
I see people around constantly and I am reminded of the past. God is bringing healing through it all. I mean, He has already brought so much, I might as well walk through the rest of the healing, no matter how excruciatingly difficult it may be!
To constantly have to relive on repeat, situations that I would rather not remember is no bueno! But I also do not think God wants me to relive them so frequently. It is a matter of renewing my mind and keeping my mind on things of God and not of the world.
It is all a process. One that I am willing to take.
I want to stay walking in freedom and I will do what I have to do to maintain that!
I really need to prioritize my schedule so that I am bringing the most result from everyone of my days! It has been one of my biggest annoyances in life. That is probably why I like missions so much! They make my schedule for me and I just fall into place! ha ha!
Anyways, enough rambling!!! I should get to finishing my letters for the kids =]
God will do the rest! God will do it all really. He's the one that provided the job.
I see people around constantly and I am reminded of the past. God is bringing healing through it all. I mean, He has already brought so much, I might as well walk through the rest of the healing, no matter how excruciatingly difficult it may be!
To constantly have to relive on repeat, situations that I would rather not remember is no bueno! But I also do not think God wants me to relive them so frequently. It is a matter of renewing my mind and keeping my mind on things of God and not of the world.
It is all a process. One that I am willing to take.
I want to stay walking in freedom and I will do what I have to do to maintain that!
I really need to prioritize my schedule so that I am bringing the most result from everyone of my days! It has been one of my biggest annoyances in life. That is probably why I like missions so much! They make my schedule for me and I just fall into place! ha ha!
Anyways, enough rambling!!! I should get to finishing my letters for the kids =]
Monday, August 31, 2009
Life is so different on the mission field.
And yet I am in the center of my own mission field right now. I mean it is different because I am in the middle of my everyday circumstances and it is quite difficult to see it as a mission field sometimes when I get so caught up in the daily routine of life.
I have so much to think about. So much on my mind. And yet I feel as though no way to explain it or express it.
I had such a beautiful moment with my niece just the other night. I want more moments like that! I need to find a job but I want it to be a job with kids but I do not know if that will happen. I need to get insurance and yet I do not take care of the necessary steps to getting insurance!
Yikes!
I am excited to be done with school but if I do not take care of what comes after school, then I will be done in December and will be in a rut!
I feel like I am to return to Peru, for short term, long term, I am uncertain, but I need to take care of what needs to happen in order for me to go to Peru when I am done in December!
So yeah. Lots to think about and plan.
This is a really random post. But I needed to say something.
Even if what I want to say didn't really come out.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Shared this with Emily
In chapel today, we were worshipping. Look up Brooke Fraser (Desert Song girl) on youtube and find her song "You'll Come."
Beautiful song. But anyways, we were singing another song and Dr. Mark Rutland, our President of ORU came onto the stage and talked about how so often songs begin with Me, My, I and how they are not "God-centered" and we started singing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" and it was the closest I ever felt during worship, my mind completely cleared and focused on God. And this vision came to me. It was of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. And in that God was saying, you're looking at it the wrong way. God said in my mind and to my heart, Jesus died for me. He died out of obedience to me because he loves ME so much. Not because he loves you.
It hit me.
It was so much more beautiful. And such a challenge. That Jesus sacrificed himself out of love for his Father. The same we are to do for Him.
What a beautiful revelation.
Beautiful song. But anyways, we were singing another song and Dr. Mark Rutland, our President of ORU came onto the stage and talked about how so often songs begin with Me, My, I and how they are not "God-centered" and we started singing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" and it was the closest I ever felt during worship, my mind completely cleared and focused on God. And this vision came to me. It was of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. And in that God was saying, you're looking at it the wrong way. God said in my mind and to my heart, Jesus died for me. He died out of obedience to me because he loves ME so much. Not because he loves you.
It hit me.
It was so much more beautiful. And such a challenge. That Jesus sacrificed himself out of love for his Father. The same we are to do for Him.
What a beautiful revelation.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Missing kids blues
I miss the kids like nobody's business.
I just want to be with them, doing the daily life with them! I hate that it is so difficult to keep in touch with them. Maribel told me I could and I am hoping to make that happen really soon because I miss them for real.
Maybe it is selfish of me though.
I have really been doing school and babysitting. For a family and for my family.
I got my job on campus back, which is good, but I need to get another job as well.
I really have to buckle down on my classes. Even though I am taking 3 classes, they call for a lot of attention and busy work. So I am trying to keep on top of that.
Plus I need to start researching for financial coverages so I can return to Peru even though I have college loans to pay off, boo!
God will provide, I trust in Him. He is bigger than all difficulties.
I just want to be with them, doing the daily life with them! I hate that it is so difficult to keep in touch with them. Maribel told me I could and I am hoping to make that happen really soon because I miss them for real.
Maybe it is selfish of me though.
I have really been doing school and babysitting. For a family and for my family.
I got my job on campus back, which is good, but I need to get another job as well.
I really have to buckle down on my classes. Even though I am taking 3 classes, they call for a lot of attention and busy work. So I am trying to keep on top of that.
Plus I need to start researching for financial coverages so I can return to Peru even though I have college loans to pay off, boo!
God will provide, I trust in Him. He is bigger than all difficulties.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Post-Peru
I feel like I am just returning to the life I lived before instead of taking all I have learned from this summer and applying it to my life now, making things different, changed.
Maybe it will take time?
Or am I missing something?
I want to live a set-apart life for Christ, to take all I learned from Peru and make a difference in my everyday living.
Lord, please use me.
Maybe it will take time?
Or am I missing something?
I want to live a set-apart life for Christ, to take all I learned from Peru and make a difference in my everyday living.
Lord, please use me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)