Forever I will miss you!

I am struggling with writing. I used to write constantly. Now I am lucky if I pick up a pen and put it to paper or put my fingers to a keyboard and let the secrets of my soul bleed into my blog entry.

I have this insecurity of not being enough. Not being good enough to write a blog or write a novel or write a book of poetry. Why? Because I did not take any writing classes or get a degree in English. Or maybe it is because of something much deeper. I honestly do not know.

But I do know this. I know God gave me the gift of writing. Being able to express myself through writing as a child and all the years in between is what has gotten me through so many difficult times. Maybe it was only meant to be for myself, I do not know. But I so long to write a novel like Karen Kingsbury, Francine Rivers or C.S. Lewis. I so long to write a book of poetry like all the famous poets of past. I would love to write a devotional for women, so they can recognize their beauty in Christ.

Maybe I feel as though I do not have enough experience? Or enough money or support to make it happen? I really don't know why it is that I think I cannot do it.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

It is a verse I have lived by. A verse that has gotten me through some of my darkest, scariest moments. It still applies to me in the everyday dullness of life. I need to remember that.

There is a part of me that feels as though I lost my ability to write when I lost my best friend Tasha. She died this past year and we were kindred spirits. She and I swapped stories, poetry, and encouraged each other in our writings. She believed in me and I in her. And now that she is gone I guess maybe I am afraid to share my writings without her input.

But God did not give us a spirit of fear and I know that Tasha would not want me to live in fear either. I cannot continually make excuses for why I do not do what I believe God has called me to.

I must be the change I wish to see in the world. I must make the changes in myself. I must look in the mirror and be willing to recognize my flaws, strip them of myself and lay them at the cross of Jesus.

I may never be like Karen Kingsbury, Franchine Rivers or C.S. Lewis and that is okay. I am not trying to copy them. I am me and I am my own person. But they do inspire me and help me to remember that God can use me to write books also. Maybe I will only write one book. That would be okay with me. Maybe I will never successfully write a book that thousands of people read. That is okay too as long as I try. As long as I reach one person. That would be enough for me.