And yet two days for the second book.
Man am I taking in all that they have to offer.
This book gave me a reassurance.
A reminder that in my mistakes, I chose to get up, with the help of God and others and follow after the things of God. I did not choose to give in and live a life of sin. I realized I am nothing without Christ and that to live for Christ is the only way. A life of the world was not enough for me. I chose Christ.
God's strength in me was stronger than I realized. His love for me was more than I understood. He loved me so much that in the midst of my mistakes, He brought conviction enveloped with love, forgivenness, redemption, peace, healing, and friends to keep me accountable.
I am eternally grateful for all that God has done for me.
I would not be here today, where I am at right now in my life, if it were not for Him.
And although things may not be perfect, I do know that I choose God.
And He chose me a long time ago.
I am forever His daughter, His princess.
And I choose to embrace that.
He is faithful no matter the outcome. He will provide for my future, wherever He sends me. He will open and close the appropriate doors. And I am willing to go where He sends me.
And the deep longing to find a man someday I know will happen in His perfect timing, as I am learning to be dependent on God alone and no one else. He is giving me an opportunity to be lost in Him before He blesses me with someone else. And I can wait for that.
Right now and always my focus will be and should be to love and serve Him, bringing glory to His Kingdom alone.
I choose the narrow path.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Take One
I have been so restless over Peru.
I want so desperately to return but have had no idea of how that was going to happen.
I started reading Above the Line Series: Take One by Karen Kingsbury yesterday and finished it today. It's THAT good. I love reading what she writes because God speaks to my heart and soul through her. And I absolutely love that.
As much as I escape to another world when reading, her books always bring a conviction to my heart, a reminder of something I needed to hear, a truth that I had forgotten, an encouragement where doubt had taken its toll, a support when I felt I had none, etc.
In this book I felt like I was reading a script of situations in my own life this past year. I was like, how did you get into my deepest thoughts. It was like looking into a mirror and all the hidden shame was revealed, all the secrets within were exposed. And it was me and God.
It's hard to face yourself.
And on the other part of the book, it was about two Christian producers, trying to make an impact on the hollywood scene. Trying to bring change and they do not have enough funding to finish the movie. The whole time they are struggling to have faith in God to provide and are being constantly reminded of God's faithfulness.
Prayer, obedience, devotion to God, He shows up. No matter what the end result.
He is a faithful God.
That is why I know that if God is calling me to Peru directly after I graduate, He will make it happen, even if it is the last minute. And if it is not His will for me to be in Peru after I graduate for 1-2 years or something, then it will not happen. And I have to be okay with His will for my life.
But I have fully told Him that I am willing to go. I am just me, faults and all, but I am a willing servant. I want to go where His light is seen dim, His voice is heard small, even to the uttermost bounds of the earth! So He will send me wherever that may be, and I will go. He has already called me.
I fully believe in Christ and I fully trust in His will for my life after college.
No matter how scary it looks, no matter what doubts arise, I know He will provide.
I want so desperately to return but have had no idea of how that was going to happen.
I started reading Above the Line Series: Take One by Karen Kingsbury yesterday and finished it today. It's THAT good. I love reading what she writes because God speaks to my heart and soul through her. And I absolutely love that.
As much as I escape to another world when reading, her books always bring a conviction to my heart, a reminder of something I needed to hear, a truth that I had forgotten, an encouragement where doubt had taken its toll, a support when I felt I had none, etc.
In this book I felt like I was reading a script of situations in my own life this past year. I was like, how did you get into my deepest thoughts. It was like looking into a mirror and all the hidden shame was revealed, all the secrets within were exposed. And it was me and God.
It's hard to face yourself.
And on the other part of the book, it was about two Christian producers, trying to make an impact on the hollywood scene. Trying to bring change and they do not have enough funding to finish the movie. The whole time they are struggling to have faith in God to provide and are being constantly reminded of God's faithfulness.
Prayer, obedience, devotion to God, He shows up. No matter what the end result.
He is a faithful God.
That is why I know that if God is calling me to Peru directly after I graduate, He will make it happen, even if it is the last minute. And if it is not His will for me to be in Peru after I graduate for 1-2 years or something, then it will not happen. And I have to be okay with His will for my life.
But I have fully told Him that I am willing to go. I am just me, faults and all, but I am a willing servant. I want to go where His light is seen dim, His voice is heard small, even to the uttermost bounds of the earth! So He will send me wherever that may be, and I will go. He has already called me.
I fully believe in Christ and I fully trust in His will for my life after college.
No matter how scary it looks, no matter what doubts arise, I know He will provide.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Quotes
"When I thought of devoting myself entirely to God...it was I that wished to do it, and I that wished not to do it. It was I. And since I neither completely wished, nor completely refused, I fought against myself and tore myself to pieces." -St. Augustine of Hippo, circa 400 AD
"You called, shouted,
and burst my deafness.
You flashed, shone,
and scattered my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me.
I drew in my breath
and craved Your aroma.
I have tasted You,
now I hunger and thirst for more.
You touched me,
and I burned for Your peace."
-St. Augustine, The Confessions 298-400 AD
"You called, shouted,
and burst my deafness.
You flashed, shone,
and scattered my blindness.
You breathed your fragrance on me.
I drew in my breath
and craved Your aroma.
I have tasted You,
now I hunger and thirst for more.
You touched me,
and I burned for Your peace."
-St. Augustine, The Confessions 298-400 AD
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Everyday I am more and more concerned about my body.
And with the concern comes anger.
And I am forced to decide to think on that anger or dismiss it.
I don't like sharing my fears or concerns with people in my family because I do not want them to worry. I don't know if it is all in my head or if it is really as serious as I feel like it is on some days.
I could really use some prayer on peace and direction.
And with the concern comes anger.
And I am forced to decide to think on that anger or dismiss it.
I don't like sharing my fears or concerns with people in my family because I do not want them to worry. I don't know if it is all in my head or if it is really as serious as I feel like it is on some days.
I could really use some prayer on peace and direction.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I trust in You Lord!
Life can be complicated but God is good.
I feel like I have this nagging thing hanging there, waiting to get me.
Like, I am constantly wondering if I have cancer, in the back of my mind. Because honestly, I could have it. And I would never blame God if I got it. But I also believe that I cannot expect God to not allow for it to happen to me. I believe in God's healing and His touch and His protection, but I have also seen many men and women of God die unexplainable deaths.
And I am by no means saying that I am dying because that is just ridiculous! I know I am not! God has so much more for me that has not yet been accomplished and that is what holds me on somedays when I am worried.
Because no matter if I ever do get cancer because of what I have, it will just be another bump in the road, another thing in life that will try and get me down but I must press on, be strong, even when I want to crumble sometimes! Because God is my strength and He would never abandon me.
I do not have health insurance these days and it concerns me. I need to get it before I go to Peru again so that I can get tests done again to make sure I do not have cancer. Because if I do, I should take care of it here and before it progresses. I do not want to speak anything into existence, I am just trying to think realistically. I know God is bigger than all things and I trust Him in that! I just know that I have told Him that I will live for Him no matter what comes my way, no matter what I have to go through.
"God, You are my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3). I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty, are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Psalm 46:10-11)."
I found out tonight that my grandma (on my mothers side), who has had Alzheimers for several years now, had a massive stroke. They do not think that she is going to make it very long. She has lived a long life and been an amazing grandma! It is going to be very hard on my mom and her siblings, as well as us grandkids! She was a very big part of our lives! And even though we have not been as close these last years because of her illness, she is still my grandmother and I have amazing memories of being at her house my entire childhood!
I've been pretty stressed these days, with Senior Paper, feeling the burden and need to learn spanish fluently but feeling like I don't have the time or resources to do it. Feeling the burden of finances and the need to spend time with family and friends before I leave again.
"Lord, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26)."
I feel like I have this nagging thing hanging there, waiting to get me.
Like, I am constantly wondering if I have cancer, in the back of my mind. Because honestly, I could have it. And I would never blame God if I got it. But I also believe that I cannot expect God to not allow for it to happen to me. I believe in God's healing and His touch and His protection, but I have also seen many men and women of God die unexplainable deaths.
And I am by no means saying that I am dying because that is just ridiculous! I know I am not! God has so much more for me that has not yet been accomplished and that is what holds me on somedays when I am worried.
Because no matter if I ever do get cancer because of what I have, it will just be another bump in the road, another thing in life that will try and get me down but I must press on, be strong, even when I want to crumble sometimes! Because God is my strength and He would never abandon me.
I do not have health insurance these days and it concerns me. I need to get it before I go to Peru again so that I can get tests done again to make sure I do not have cancer. Because if I do, I should take care of it here and before it progresses. I do not want to speak anything into existence, I am just trying to think realistically. I know God is bigger than all things and I trust Him in that! I just know that I have told Him that I will live for Him no matter what comes my way, no matter what I have to go through.
"God, You are my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3). I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty, are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Psalm 46:10-11)."
I found out tonight that my grandma (on my mothers side), who has had Alzheimers for several years now, had a massive stroke. They do not think that she is going to make it very long. She has lived a long life and been an amazing grandma! It is going to be very hard on my mom and her siblings, as well as us grandkids! She was a very big part of our lives! And even though we have not been as close these last years because of her illness, she is still my grandmother and I have amazing memories of being at her house my entire childhood!
I've been pretty stressed these days, with Senior Paper, feeling the burden and need to learn spanish fluently but feeling like I don't have the time or resources to do it. Feeling the burden of finances and the need to spend time with family and friends before I leave again.
"Lord, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26)."
Monday, September 14, 2009
Truth
I want to share an excerpt from The Bravehearted Gospel by Eric Ludy.
"Yet the biblical worldview is one of replacement.
We are taken out of darkness and into light, out of death into life, from the mind of the world to the mind of Christ, from the image of Adam to the image of Jesus--it is always a transition out of one thing and into another. It is never an addition of one thing to another. The Bible is all about purity of ingredients, not mixture of ingredients...
The biblical worldview is one of displacement.
There is absolutely no precedent for "mixture" in the Christian life--only the displacement of one thing by the arrival of another. Light arrives, darkness flees; truth arrives, lies evaporate; life arrives, death goes bye-bye.
The biblical worldview isn't springy. Both replacement and displacement require one option to be chosen as the correct option, and this requires a judgment to be made--which would, of course, mean that the other options are wrong. The round-earth theory is accepted and the flat-earth theory rejected. Truth is embraced, and lies are refuted. Light is chosen, and darkness is expelled. The truth that grabbed hold of Tony on Tuesday yearns to violently put to death the cancerous error that had begun to infect his mind on Monday, so that on Wednesday Tony can move forward and chart a clear course to the New World.
"Come on, Eric!" I can hear someone say. "So what! At least this Tony guy found the truth!"
Yes, Tony may have heard the truth on Tuesday and appraised it as correct, but as long as the error from Monday still remains lodged inside his soul come Wednesday, it will fight against the truth, canceling out its effects for the remainder of that week and every week that follows. It's like a brain with a tumpr lodged in its frontal lobe: Sure it's still a functioning brain for the time being, but the tumor will eventually cause it to cease to function. If the tumor isn't removed, then it will ultimately make the brain completely inoperative. And in the same way, if the truth does not displace the lie, then the lie will displace the truth. These elements are at war one with the other, and it is imperative that exclusive acceptance be shown toward one and intolerance to the other.
We must decide. We must choose."
"Yet the biblical worldview is one of replacement.
We are taken out of darkness and into light, out of death into life, from the mind of the world to the mind of Christ, from the image of Adam to the image of Jesus--it is always a transition out of one thing and into another. It is never an addition of one thing to another. The Bible is all about purity of ingredients, not mixture of ingredients...
The biblical worldview is one of displacement.
There is absolutely no precedent for "mixture" in the Christian life--only the displacement of one thing by the arrival of another. Light arrives, darkness flees; truth arrives, lies evaporate; life arrives, death goes bye-bye.
The biblical worldview isn't springy. Both replacement and displacement require one option to be chosen as the correct option, and this requires a judgment to be made--which would, of course, mean that the other options are wrong. The round-earth theory is accepted and the flat-earth theory rejected. Truth is embraced, and lies are refuted. Light is chosen, and darkness is expelled. The truth that grabbed hold of Tony on Tuesday yearns to violently put to death the cancerous error that had begun to infect his mind on Monday, so that on Wednesday Tony can move forward and chart a clear course to the New World.
"Come on, Eric!" I can hear someone say. "So what! At least this Tony guy found the truth!"
Yes, Tony may have heard the truth on Tuesday and appraised it as correct, but as long as the error from Monday still remains lodged inside his soul come Wednesday, it will fight against the truth, canceling out its effects for the remainder of that week and every week that follows. It's like a brain with a tumpr lodged in its frontal lobe: Sure it's still a functioning brain for the time being, but the tumor will eventually cause it to cease to function. If the tumor isn't removed, then it will ultimately make the brain completely inoperative. And in the same way, if the truth does not displace the lie, then the lie will displace the truth. These elements are at war one with the other, and it is imperative that exclusive acceptance be shown toward one and intolerance to the other.
We must decide. We must choose."
Friday chapel
I have been fighting repetitious thoughts that have been haunting me from my past.
It has been a silent battle that I have tried to overcome on my own strength but to no avail.Friday in chapel we had a different speaker than our usual Dr. Rutland (he was in New York City for the 9/11 tribute, he was asked to take part in it)! So a pastor of a church across the street, spoke. I always love hearing what he has to say, they are always good solid messages. But in my head, I was like, this will be a good message, but nothing to make me cry over or anything.
And so he was preaching on being moved with compassion for people, no matter what! And anytime anyone speaks on compassion or love towards everyone, I am always brought back to those who have hurt me in the deepest ways and how I should be loving them regardless. But I have never known how to show that love from afar, always thinking that I should let them back into my life when that is not necessarily always the case.
So anyways. He spoke on Matthew 14, 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, and Romans 15:18-19
He talked about how something happens to us when we let God's love flow through us and how God has not only given us love, but power. And how we witness Jesus' healing and deliverance in scripture. And how the Gospel was presented to be demonstrated. And how the Word of God is power.
Basically he started speaking about healing and how we are to bring healing through Christ, just as Christ did when he roamed the earth. And he talked about how in order for us to bring healing, we must first be healed spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. And he started listing off more specific things that people needed to be healed from and he said that there are people who are replaying things from the past in their minds, repetitious thoughts that need to stop and how they were going to be delivered from that. And I just knew he was talking to me.
I stood up when he asked those of us who needed to be prayed for and people came around and were praying and I was like, this is not one of those crying moments. I just didn't feel it. People were praying but when he started praying I just started balling my eyes out. And it was such a cleansing cry. A needed cry. And I haven't been plagued by those thoughts since then!
Amen and Amen, right? God is so good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)