Life can be complicated but God is good.
I feel like I have this nagging thing hanging there, waiting to get me.
Like, I am constantly wondering if I have cancer, in the back of my mind. Because honestly, I could have it. And I would never blame God if I got it. But I also believe that I cannot expect God to not allow for it to happen to me. I believe in God's healing and His touch and His protection, but I have also seen many men and women of God die unexplainable deaths.
And I am by no means saying that I am dying because that is just ridiculous! I know I am not! God has so much more for me that has not yet been accomplished and that is what holds me on somedays when I am worried.
Because no matter if I ever do get cancer because of what I have, it will just be another bump in the road, another thing in life that will try and get me down but I must press on, be strong, even when I want to crumble sometimes! Because God is my strength and He would never abandon me.
I do not have health insurance these days and it concerns me. I need to get it before I go to Peru again so that I can get tests done again to make sure I do not have cancer. Because if I do, I should take care of it here and before it progresses. I do not want to speak anything into existence, I am just trying to think realistically. I know God is bigger than all things and I trust Him in that! I just know that I have told Him that I will live for Him no matter what comes my way, no matter what I have to go through.
"God, You are my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3). I will be still and know You are God. You, Lord Almighty, are with me. You, God of Jacob, are my fortress (Psalm 46:10-11)."
I found out tonight that my grandma (on my mothers side), who has had Alzheimers for several years now, had a massive stroke. They do not think that she is going to make it very long. She has lived a long life and been an amazing grandma! It is going to be very hard on my mom and her siblings, as well as us grandkids! She was a very big part of our lives! And even though we have not been as close these last years because of her illness, she is still my grandmother and I have amazing memories of being at her house my entire childhood!
I've been pretty stressed these days, with Senior Paper, feeling the burden and need to learn spanish fluently but feeling like I don't have the time or resources to do it. Feeling the burden of finances and the need to spend time with family and friends before I leave again.
"Lord, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but You, God, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:25-26)."
1 comment:
Ratita!! Mi bonita amiga! You are dealing with things in your life that are unexplainable and hard to handle. You have an amazingly strong and courageous faith in God. It is very inspiring! The things we have no control in and all of our struggles just reminds us of our need for our powerful God. Without these trials you wouldn't gain the strong relationship and faith you have with God. Keep on pressing though! God will continue to bless you for your obedience! I know some of the feelings I bet you are feeling about your g-ma. My g-ma went through the same thing before she passed away. I was younger though-in middle school but she started to forget us before that. I have been thinking about her a lot lately though bc she taught high school spanish for over 20 years and loved it. I wish we could share that and she could teach me. Those are really good verses! Ones that are definetly worth memorizing! Te Amo!
Post a Comment